February 25, 2008

"Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching." Hebrews 10:25

I came across some reasons in the December 2001 issue of The Sunday School Leader magazine. The article by Keith Wilkinson entitled "An individual's Perspective on Assimilation" listed the following ten reasons for not going to Church.

"10. The pastor didn't respond to my remote control.

9. Three letters; N-F-L

8. I don't have kid's yet.

7. I have kids

6. People that happy give me the creeps.

5. Last time I knelt I had a hard time getting back up.

4. I'm a good person (and I want to avoid hearing otherwise).

3. I prefer crunch chips to those crackers they pass out.

2. When I want to feel guilty I just call my family.

1. I haven't tried church."

I have even met some who say they don't go to church because they have been. If the reason you go to church is any other than to worship the true and living God, then you will find plenty excuses to stay away. It really all boils down to your heart condition. You think about that, Amen.

Thought for the week: One's real life is often the life that one does not lead.

-- Oscar Wilde, L'Envoi, 1882

Funny for the week: "Authentic Amusing Headlines"

Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find
--- The Los Angeles Times

Light' meals are lower in fat, calories
-- Huntington Herald-Dispatch

Alcohol ads promote drinking
-- The Hartford Courant

Infertility unlikely to be passed on
--- Montgomery Advertiser

Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
--- Cornell Daily Sun

Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut
--- The New York Times

Malls try to attract shoppers
-- The Baltimore Sun

Official: Only rain will cure drought
-- The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts

Low Wages Said Key to Poverty
-- Newsday

Man shoots neighbor with machete
-- The Miami Herald

Economist uses theory to explain economy
-- Collinsville Herald-Journal

Bible church's focus is the Bible
-- Saint Augustine Record, Florida

Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear
-- Journal of Commerce

Lack of brains hinders research
-- The Columbus Dispatch

And we get our news from these people …………… Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who was David’s first wife? Michal (1 Sam 18:27)

This week’s question: What does the apostle Paul say the love of money is?

February 18, 2008

"For bodily exercise profiteth little, but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come." 1 Timothy 4:8

For those of you that know me, you know I am allergic to exercise. I know the experts tell us that physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily, but my body doesn't want me to do too much. It hurts and I hate the feeling after I finish. So I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise. However, the results you get may not be exactly what you would like either. Practicing these strenuous exercises may prove strenuous for your health, heart and spiritual condition. 01) Beating around the bush 02) Jumping to conclusions 03) Climbing the walls 04) Swallowing my pride 05) Passing the buck 06) Throwing my weight around 07) Dragging my heels 08) Pushing my luck 09) Making mountains out of molehills 10) Hitting the nail on the head 11) Wading through paperwork 12) Bending over backwards 13) Jumping on the bandwagon 14) Balancing the books 15) Running around in circles 16) Eating crow 17) Tooting my own horn 18) Climbing the ladder of success 19) Pulling out the stops 20) Adding fuel to the fire 21) Opening a can of worms 22) Putting my foot in my mouth

Thought for the week: On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. -- Will Rogers

Funnies for the week: A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.

"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained.

"He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening."

Humor Digest

* * * * * *

The Father, passing through his son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy.

Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window, "Whadoya want?"

"Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father.

"Yeah!" replied the voice. "Dump him on the front porch and we'll drag him in later in the morning."

Humor

And they wonder how we know these things………………. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What was the reason for Moses’ second trip to Mt. Sinai? For a second set of tablets of the Ten (Ex 34)

This week’s question: Who was David’s first wife?

Feburary 11, 2008

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under Gods mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." 1 Peter 5:6

Don't you just love Jacob? He always did things the hard way. He struggled against what God wanted him to do, always dodging responsibility, manipulating others. Then there was that one night when his disobedience came to a dramatic end. He challenged God to a wrestling match. From that night on he walked with a limp. A reminder of his stubbornness. Are you struggling against what God wants you to do, rationalizing, excusing, postponing. It is so much easier to obey gladly than to be stubborn and resist. Higher blessings always await spiritual obedience. Don't be stubborn like Jacob and walk through life with a spiritual limp. Humble yourself before God and HE will lift you up!

Thought for the week: A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. -- Daniel Webster

Funny for the week:

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, age 6

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

"Both don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." Lynnette, age 8

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?

"When they're rich." Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

"It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." Anita, age 9

"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." Kirsten, age 10

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8

"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." Roberta, age 7

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

"If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it." Lori, age 8

"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." Ricky, age 10

What more can I say…………………….Chaplain Barnes age 54

Last week’s answer: What does Jesus say a man would not give his son when he asks for a loaf of bread? A stone (Matt 7:9)

This week’s question: What was the reason for Moses’ second trip to Mt. Sinai?

February 4, 2008

"Brethren, do not be weary in well-doing." II Thessalonians 3:13

We have an unspoken attitude in American culture that says, "Finish first or you don't count." Did you know God never expects you to be the best? He expects you to give your best. When God gives you an opportunity or ability and you strive to do your very best, your "ranking" is irrelevant. I had the privilege of working with Dr. Thad Dowdle for several years. I will never forget in a conservation we had once, his frank and candid statement: "I never compare myself to anyone else." He is so right! We should not wear ourselves out trying to be better than others. Instead, we should strive for personal excellence. Do your best to fulfill the mandate God has given you for today and when you lay down to sleep tonight, smile and pray, "Father, I did my best."

Thought for the week: It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power. -- David Brin

Funny for the week: "Reindeer Problem"
(This is an absolutely awful pun - included here only because I know some of you sick pun lovers need your fix of torturing co-workers with it all day.)

As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer to be very quiet when they deliver presents on Christmas Eve so no one will know they are there. One Christmas Eve as Santa Claus landed on a rooftop, he suddenly heard a very loud "Snort sniff honk honk snort!" coming from one of his reindeer.

Since he was in the sleigh behind them, he didn't know which one it was. It happened again, only louder this time: "Snort sniff honk honk snort!"

Dogs in the neighborhood began to bark. "Shhh!" Santa hissed. "Please be quiet!"

He went to work lifting the sack of toys out of the sleigh when he heard it again, only a lot louder this time. "SNORT SNIFF HONK HONK SNORT!" Lights came on all over the neighborhood and some people even stuck their heads out of their windows.

Santa was horrified. Jumping back into the sleigh, he drove quickly back to the North Pole. He lined up all the reindeer and announced, "We are not going to deliver another present until the reindeer who is making funny noises with his nose steps forward and apologizes!"

None of the reindeer stepped forward.

Santa held up a piece of paper. "I know who it is, and I have written your name on this paper. But I want to give you a chance to do the right thing on your own."

Still none of the reindeer came forward. So Santa did the only thing he could do - read off the rude-nosed reindeer!

I dare you to tell it to your boss………………..Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How long did Jacob work for Laban to receive the hand of Rachel? 14 years (Gen 29:20-27)

This week’s question: What does Jesus say a man would not give his son when he asks for a loaf of bread?