May 18, 2009

"Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved. But how are they to believe in one whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone to proclaim to them?" Romans 10:13-14

Last summer my family spent a week at the beach. One of the things I always notice when we stay there is how much rust there is on anything metal. The hinges on the door of the bedroom we stayed in squeaked from rust every time we opened or shut it. Other hinges on doors outside had rusted shut and no longer worked. What do you do to rusty hinges? You put oil on them. Oil lubricates the hinges and allows them to turn again. What about people who have allowed sin, past hurts and pain to rust their hearts tightly closed? God wants them to open their heart and receive His love, but they are afraid to try and receive anyone's love. Sadly, their heart's door has been closed so long that even the hinges are rusted tight. Would you let God use your words to be like oil to minister to them? Show and tell them that God loves them, more than they could possibly imagine. God gave his Son for them. Show and tell them that God will forgive their past sins that He has a wonderful plan for their lives. Tell them that you are praying for them. As God uses your gentle words to minister to them, the Holy Spirit will open the door of their heart and you will have a new brother or sister in Christ.

Thought for the week: Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.   -- Albert Schweitzer

Funny for the week: "Mom's Special Brownies"

Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr., "No, no."
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.

Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.

Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.

Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.
Bake 25 minutes.
Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy.
Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away.

FROSTING Mix the following in saucepan:
1 cup sugar 
1 oz unsweetened chocolate 
1/4 cup margarine Take the darn teddy bear out of the broiler and throw it away -- far away.

Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't know Jr. had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street.
Put Jr. in playpen.

Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.

Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet.

Tie Billy to clothesline.

Remove burned brownies from oven.

Collapse and call the baker for delivery.

Do I get an AMEN moms?...................Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How many epistles of Peter are included in the NT? Two (1 and 2 Peter)

This week’s question: Whom did Silas replace as Paul’s traveling partner?

May 11, 2009

"Bless the Lord, O my soul,...bless his holy name. Who satisfies you with good as long as you live, so that your youth is renewed like the eagles." Psalm 103:1,5

I don't know who coined the word, "nitpick", but they must have known a relative of mine. I bet you have one in your family or circle of friends. You may even have one in your church. Nothing and I mean nothing is ever fine. The soup was too cold. The vegetables were too hot. The dessert was too sweet. The room is too warm. The couch is too soft. The sermon was boring. The music was too modern. The birthday gift wasn't what I wanted. Gripe and complain about everything. Could it be that we do that to God? God sends us blessings and we think, "Yeah, that's nice but it would have been nicer if..." I wonder if God ever wonders if anything would satisfy us? If you are honest and find that you are doing that to Him, Stop and recognize God's blessings, then make yourself thank Him. Don't allow yourself to nitpick and try to improve upon God's goodness. Choose to act like a grateful child who is filled with the joy at the goodness of your Father.

Thought for the week: Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
            -- Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894)

Funny for the week: "Horse Looking "

A father took his five-year-old son to several baseball games where The Star-Spangled Banner was sung before the start of each game.

Then the father and son attended a church on a Sunday shortly before Independence Day.

The congregation sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, the little boy suddenly yelled out, "PLAY BALL!!!"

Bet he scared the hadies out of more than the preacher did…….Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who was the second wife of King Ahasuerus? Esther (Est. 2:17)

This week’s question: How many epistles of Peter are included in the NT?

May 4, 2009

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain, 'more from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

One of the things we dread in law enforcement is in service training. The thing we dread about in service training is the tests. We all play a game of trying to guess ahead of time what the instructor is going to ask on the test. Could it be that we do the same thing when we pray? I fear we often are guilty of trying to hedge our prayers with disclaimers. Ever prayed and then said, "It must not be God's will....I guess the time is not right...Maybe God doesn't hear my prayers?" Listen, God never told us to try and decide what His will and timing is. God told us to pray with faith, expectantly, enthusiastically eager for our Father's answer. Start today by asking God to make you a man or woman of faith and mix your faithful praying with anticipating faith. Stop trying to guess what He is doing and really believe God has the power to answer your prayer. You'll be delighted with this potent combination of answer and timing.

Thought for the week: Adventure is just bad planning. -- Roald Amundsen

Funny for the week: "New Car"

The first Sunday after my husband and I bought a new car, we parked it in the last row of the church lot, not wanting to be ostentatious.

While talking with friends after the service, my husband accidentally hit the panic button on his electronic key. Immediately our car's horn blared and its lights flashed.

Watching my husband fumble with the button, his friend teased, "Wouldn't it have been in better taste to just put a few lines in the church bulletin?"

Freud would have been proud of him…………. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What fraction of the earth’s creatures and ships are destroyed in Revelation 8? One-third (Rev. 8:9)

This week’s question: Who was the second wife of King Ahasuerus?