May 31, 2010

“He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters; He restores my soul.” Psalm 23: 2-3

Now the green pastures make me itch. But the calm, still waters? Bring ‘em on! Some time back a new friend I have gotten to know invited me to go fishing with him at Lake Lure. It has been decades since I fished for that illusive Walleye that hides in the clear waters there. I thought about it for 1,00000 of a second and accepted his invitation. See, my pastor preaches that we should not run through life at full speed, but that we should take time to slow down occasionally and recharge our batteries. He even said it was biblical! Seems Jesus would put in long and grueling hours like I am now writing these devotions, and then he would get away, slow down and renew His physical strength. I believe he scheduled these times. Yes, scheduled. Planned them, and did them. He knew the time spent in quietness and reflection with God would return huge dividends to his ministry. Like a friend of mine once observed, “You never get out of your car at night and leave the engine idling all night so that it would be ready in the morning.” You cut it off and let it rest. Otherwise it wears out way too soon and is of no use to you. But some people, including me at one time in my life, live that way. Always stressed out about things that need to be done or are not done and never turning the ignition off. If Jesus scheduled a day off to rest and go fishing with the boys (they fished, he slept), shouldn’t we. Man, I feel the need to wet a hook already. Oh yes, just a note. In my case, fishing does not always mean catching. But that is another story. Take a day off. You need it.

Thought for the week: Craftiness must have clothes, but truth loves to go naked.
-- English Proverb

Funny for the week: Thoughts

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history when you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. Just how the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5, as I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the Person died.
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BlueRay? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
13. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
14. I hate leaving my house confident and looking really good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste!
15. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
16. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
17. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than with Kay.
18. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid BAD Neighborhood" routing option.
19. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
20. I would rather try to carry 10 grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries from the car into the house.
21. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text, change my shoes or finish applying my mascara.
22. Sometimes I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
23. How many times do you suppose it is OK to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear, understand or you just weren't paying attention to a word they just said?
24. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in to your lane. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
25. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
26. Is it just me or do teenagers get dumber & dumber every year?
27. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going down after leaning your chair back just a tad too far.
28. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
29. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket or purse, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet a lot that everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, pitch black, first time, every time!

I think I need a nap………………. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What two kinds of trees did Solomon bring from Lebanon for the construction of the temple? Cedar and fir. (1 Kings 5:6-10)

This week’s question: What were the purposes of the two Jewish calendars?

May 24, 2010

In Exodus 20 beginning with verse 3, there is what is referred to in Hebrew as the 10 words. In case you have not read them lately, read and mediate on them this morning.

“3 You shall have no other gods before Me.

4 You shall not make for yourself any idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on earth beneath or in the water under the earth.

5 You shall not worship or serve them for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God…

7 You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain.

8 Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

12 Honor you father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.

13 You shall not (do) murder.

14 You shall not commit adultery.

15 You shall not steal.

16 You shall not bear false witness.

17 You shall not covet your neighbor’s house…wife…male or female servant…ox, donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

Thought for the week: And he that breaks a thing to find out what it is, has left the path of wisdom. --J. R. R. Tolkien The Fellowship Of The Ring

Funny for the week: The over 30 crowd.

Growing up without a cell phone If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious! (and for those of us over 50, the tale is even sadder)
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways... yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty+, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents! Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our butts ! Nowhere was safe! There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and it was messed up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig? We didn't have fancy things like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it! There were no cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a phone call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your behind and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks! And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that! And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores! And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place! See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!
Regards, The Over 30 Crowd

Can we hear from the over 50 crowd?........ Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who was the mother of Timothy? Eunice (2 Tim. 1:5)

This week’s question: What two kinds of trees did Solomon bring from Lebanon for the construction of the temple?

May 17, 2010

“O my God, you are my God; I will exalt you, I will praise your name, for you have done wonderful things.” Isaiah 25:1

I have discovered that for most of us, receiving a blessing is harder than giving one. It is so easy to brag on another and complement them on an achievement. But when someone brags on us, most of us find it uncomfortable. While it is indeed “more blessed to give than to receive,” may I suggest some ways to receive a blessing without becoming uncomfortable? When God sends you a wonderful blessing, as he loves to do, remember to simply say, “thank you.” No need to insult the one giving it with negatives like, “You shouldn’t have” or “I don’t deserve this.” If it was important enough to them to honor you, then honor their feelings despite your opinion of worthiness. Don’t harp and dwell on the act in a show of humility and self fulgurating. Second, remember the blessing. Put the blessing in your mind or if it is a trophy or plaque, where you can see it. Then when the devil tries to discourage you and convince you that you are worthless, remember that compliment and correct the liar. Then look forward to the next one. WHAT? Yes, I meant that. Let me explain. My son loves to go to TCBY and get a Sunday. That Sunday is made of double chocolate ice cream with hot fudge sauce and chocolate syrup. He doesn’t just love chocolate, he revels in chocolate. After he has relished that Sunday, it is only a day till he is looking forward to going back and getting another one. Complements and blessings should encourage us to work even harder because if it is done in the name and spirit of Christ, don’t be surprised when He uses others to encourage us to do more good works.

Thought for the week: The road to hell is always in good repair because its users pay so dearly for its upkeep. -- Yiddish Proverb

Funny for the week: To all you OWLS (Older Wiser Laughing Souls)
Wisdom from Grandpa......
Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earning' his salt that he forgets his sugar.

Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.
A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washing', ironing', cooking' and scrubbing'. No wife of mine is gonna "work"."
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up or leaks.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
Have a GREAT day........and keep Laughing! It's good for the soul .

And remember my motto: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, Pepsi in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!"……..Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who was the third king of Israel? Solomon (1 King 1:39)

This week’s question: Who was the mother of Timothy?

May 10, 2010

“Let your steadfast love become my comfort; according to your promise to your servant.” Psalm 119:76

Here in the greatest state in the union, North Carolina, we hold bragging rights to the largest Emerald find in the world. Hiddenite seems to be ripe with gems and the locals tell me that after they plow a field, you can find gems that the plow turns up. People who do that are especially happy when it rains. The rain washes the fresh turned earth down and exposes the gems making it easier to find them. Have you ever noticed how God sometimes withholds the blessings until after the rain and storms come? The blessing is there, but we just can’t see it until we weather the storm and through the lessons learned, see the blessings. As a friend of mine said when she lost sight in her eye following surgery, “Sometimes he calms the storm, sometimes he calms the child.” Either way, the storm brought us to the place we could recognize the blessing. However you must remember, He will always do it His way, in His time for His glory. So, if today your life seems to be a dreary rainstorm, start looking because God just may be using that rain of circumstances to wash away the dirt in your life so the gem can shine.

Thought for the week: Men are like bagpipes: no sound comes from them till they're full.
-- Irish Proverb

Funny for the week: "Missed Delivery"

Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So, when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?"

"I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home, I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package, but no one was home. I'll have you know, my husband was in all morning! He never heard a thing!"

After apologizing, I got her parcel.

"Oh good!" she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages!"

"What is it?" I asked.

"My husband's new hearing aid."

What?................. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who visited the witch of Endor? Saul (1 Sam. 28:7-8)

This week’s question: Who was the third king of Israel?

May 3, 2010

“and he said to them, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. This is the great and foremost commandment.’” Matthew 22:38

The sign said honk if you love Jesus; so I honked, and a policeman arrested me for disturbing the peace.

The sign said smile if you love Jesus; so I smiled all day long and people thought I was a staff worker for Jimmy Carter.

The sign said wave if you love Jesus; so I waved with both hands and lost control of my car and crashed into the back of a church bus.

Oh God – If I cannot honk, or smile, or wave,

How will Jesus know that I love Him? (copied)

The exhortation to love God is found ten times in Deuteronomy and nowhere else in the Pentateuch. (First five books of the Old Testament) Jesus quoted this verse from Deuteronomy 6:5 because it is the essential creed of Judaism. This love of God involves the total person. His heart was regarded as the seat of the mind and will; it controlled the emotions. The soul referred to the source of life; one’s very being. The word “might” or strength indicated our ability to work and do. Our love for God should dominate our emotions, direct our thoughts and be the dynamic for our actions. When we have this degree of love for God, it will be evident in how we treat others.

Thought for the week: Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both. -- John Andrew Holmes, "Wisdom in Small Doses"

Funny for the week: Exercise

The woman needed encouragement to keep pedaling the exercise bike in her gym. So my friend, the gym manager, said, "Close your eyes and imagine you're riding along Broadway in New York City. It will be more interesting." Inspired, the woman cycled on, but after a minute she stopped.

"What's wrong?" asked my friend.

"The traffic light's red," she replied.

I love it ! ………..Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Name the four brothers of Jesus. James, Simon, Joses (or Joseph) and Jude (or Judas) (Mark 6:3)

This week’s question: Who visited the witch of Endor?