April 27, 2009

"The righteous man can suit his words to the occasion; but the mouth of the wicked speaks perverse things." Proverbs 10:32

I have a "friend"(used in the most general of definitions) who takes pride in the fact that they say exactly what they are thinking, when they are thinking it and any way they want to say it. Then they quickly tell you if you don't like it, you don't have to listen. I am sure you know someone who while they may not pride themselves openly in doing this, do it on a regular basis. Why is it that when we are irritated, the first words that pop out of our mouth are always cruel and hurtful? Maybe it is because the heart is the birth place of our thoughts and words and it is so deceitfully wicked. But God knows that and He helps us in practical ways to restrain and hold our words. If we allow Him, he will help us consider, rephrase and polish our words before we present them. This work of God, where He changes our words, may only take a few seconds, but it pays huge dividends. No one wants to be around a person who belittles and criticizes everyone and everything. You will benefit in all areas of you life if you will allow God to veto, substitute and polish your words. Don't be a wicked person. Be wise and righteous.

It takes just three times as long to tell a lie, on any subject, as it does to tell the truth.

Thought for the week: Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
            -- John Kenneth Galbraith

 

Funny for the week: 'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears that something is under your bed.'

'How much do you charge?'

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street.

'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now! Humor Digest

* * * * * *

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

Annie replied, "Because the people who are sleeping are bored again Christians." Humor Digest

From the mouth of babes......................... Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How did the book of Numbers get it’s name? From a census of the Israelite people.

This week’s question: What fraction of the earth’s creatures and ships are destroyed in Revelation 8?

April 20, 2009

"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long? But I trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation." Psalm 13:1-2,5

 

I have been told that it takes one mile for a great ocean tanker to stop from cruising speed. I read this week that it can take as much as fifteen miles for one to make a complete turn. Being the captain of one of those massive ships must require a lot of patients. But he knows exactly what he is doing and patiently waits for the ship to respond to his commands. When God works to ease the problems in our lives, often he takes a while. He often eases our problem in increments. As Christians we can rejoice in each step knowing that our Father is indeed answering our prayers. You may be weary today wondering if God is ever going to answer your cry for help. Answers seldom come instantaneously. He can answer immediately, but he may be in the process of turning the big ship of your life away from storms into calmer seas. Be patient, thank Him and give Him time to finish the work He has begun in you. He could never forget you.

Thought for the week: He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.
            -- Abraham Lincoln

 

Funny for the week: Special Hymns for special people and occasions,

The Gossip's Hymn:.............. Pass It On

The Electrician's Hymn:......... Send The Light

The Tailor's Hymn:.............. Holy, Holy, Holy

The Doctor's Hymn:.............. The Great Physician

The Politician's Hymn:......... Standing on the Promises

The Dentist's Hymn:............. Crown Him with Many Crowns

The Golfer's Hymn:.............. There's a Green Hill Far Away

The Weatherman's Hymn:........ There Shall Be Showers of Blessings

The Realtor's Hymn:.............. I've Got a Mansion, Just Over The Hilltop

 

And for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns as well.

45mph.................... God Will Take Care of You

55mph.................... Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah

65mph.................... Nearer My God to Thee

75mph.................... Nearer Still Nearer

85mph.................... This World Is Not My Home

95mph.................... Lord, I'm Coming Home

100mph.............. Precious Memories

 

-- Bonus Content --

Ever wonder where the term "bootleg" comes from? Old boots were often large and roomy and convenient receptacles for a pipe, a pistol, or even a flask. But the bootleg was made famous by the unlicensed liquor sellers who used the tall bootleg to conceal illegal whiskey as they made deliveries. The government agents working in days of Prohibition (1920’s) gave these smugglers a name – bootleggers.

I bet you stayed up nights wondering about that…………… Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How did the Philistines find out the secret of Samson’s strength?

Samson was enticed by Delilah into telling (Judges 16:4-20)

This week’s question: How did the book of Numbers get it’s name?

April 13, 2009

"The wise person sees danger and hides; but the simple go on, and suffer for it." Proverbs 22:3

We hear it every year: "Fire two rounds and take cover." Fire and hide. Works great in fire arms training, but what about spiritual training? It seems that God first gives us His wisdom and then He gives us an inner feeling when there is trouble ahead, and then He helps us to avoid it. As Christians, we don't have to always stand up and confront a bad situation "face to face." Actually we have the inner power to avoid it and to let it pass on by. Is it a temptation, an abrasive person, a touchy circumstance, future problems in a potential relationship? The list is endless. A lot of these potential headaches can be avoided if we just duck and hide and let the problem go right by us. Yes, there will be some headaches and heartaches that are unavoidable. But many are self-inflicted and could have been avoided if we would have just ducked and hid. Flee the presence of evil. Hide. To do otherwise it to go on and suffer for it.

Thought for the week: It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously. -- Peter Ustinov

Funny for the week: Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.His grandmother remarked, "Doesn’t it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?" Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left-handed."This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him, "What makes you say God did this with his left hand?""Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God’s right hand!"Don't you just love children's theology?.................Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Which book in the Bible has the longest word in it? Isaiah 8:3 (Meher-shalal-hash-baz)This week’s question: How did the Philistines find out the secret of Samson’s strength?

April 6 2009

"Kindly words are like drops of honey, sweet to the soul and healing to the body." Proverbs 16:24

I would like to find the person who first coined the phrase, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" and ask them if they still believe that to be a true statement. It is a lie from the pit of hell and smells of smoke. Broken bones heal, but broken hearts and spirits never heal. Many people go through life and to their grave with the memory of one insult blurted out in anger by someone they loved burning in their ears and heart. Words are more destructive than guns and permanent damage is done with them. How much better if we would heed the verse above. God gave us the ability to speak encouraging kind words. When we speak words of hope and encouragement we enable others to adjust their vision from gloom and doom to hope and joy. I do not personally believe God does His greatest work through preaching great sermons. I think the greatest stuff happens one on one when God sends a message to another person through you. When you give someone a ray of hope, you experience inner joy also and have the knowledge that God used you. And, all you did was share a few kind words. WOW!

Thought for the week: If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it. -- Arthur Schopenhauer

Funny for the week: Shirt Note"The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a ladies' man, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl's name and address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photo. Heart aflutter, he opened her response.It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy shirt."

-- Bonus Content --
"Criticism" At a dinner party, one of the guests was an obnoxiously loud young man. He made disparaging remarks about everyone and everything. When served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: "I suppose this is pig?"Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: "Which end of the fork are you referring to?"Well done…………….. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who walked naked and barefoot for three years as a prophetic sign that the same would happen to Egyptians taken prisoner by Assyria? Isaiah (Isaiah 20:2-3)

This week’s question: Which book in the Bible has the longest word in it?