December 29, 2008

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Little did Jeremiah know thousands of years ago that when he penned that verse, he would bring so much comfort to a burned out minister in the 20^{th century. God gave my wife and me that verse when we left our church in 1991 with no job and no promise of one. But was he ever faithful. He met our needs and gave us a spiritual family to love and support us. Many times I have asked God what is going on in our world and my life and many times he has declined to answer. If he gave us a "divine blueprint" that explained everything he has done, is doing and will do, there would be no need for faith. Instead he reminds us to trust him and he will show us later. As we approach the new year, we do not know what it holds. But if we have placed our faith in Jesus Christ, we know who holds the future. And, he is faithful.}

^{Thought for the week: The lack of emotional security of our American young people is due, I believe, to their isolation from the larger family unit. No two people - no mere father and mother - as I have often said, are enough to provide emotional security for a child. He needs to feel himself one in a world of kinfolk, persons of variety in age and temperament, and yet allied to himself by an indissoluble bond which he cannot break if he could, for nature has welded him into it before he was born.}

^{~Pearl S. Buck}

^{Funny for the week: An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly, he had a home and was taken care of.}

^{He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner of the sofa and fell asleep.}

^{An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.}

^{The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot on the sofa and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.}

^{Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'}

^{The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'}

^{Some dogs have it made..................... Chaplain Barnes}

^{Last week’s answer: Approximately how many miles did Jesus walk from Capernaum on the Sea of Galilee to Jerusalem – 8, 23, 45, 66 or 80? 80 miles}

^{This week’s question: What was the name of the first recorded female Christian believer in Athens?}

December 22, 2008

"And she gave birth to her first-born son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." Luke 2:7

"So this is He. Immanuel. So this is God's gift. A Savior. He shall save His people from their sins. 'Worthy is the Lamb.' I (Gabriel) whispered, as I knelt before my God. My heart was full. I turned to Mary as she cradled her child and I spoke. It didn't matter that she couldn't hear me. The stars could. All of nature could. And most of all, my King could.

'Do you know who you hold, Mary? You secure the Author of grace. He who is ageless is now moments old. He who is limitless is now suckling your milk. He who strides upon the stars, now has legs too weak to walk; the hands which held the oceans are now an infant's fist. To Him who has never asked a question, you will teach the name of the wind. The Source of language will learn words from you. He who has never stumbled, you will carry. He who has never hungered, you will feed. The King of creation is in your arms.'

'What manner of love is this?' Michael whispered, and again we were covered with silence. A blanket of awe. Finally, Michael again opened his mouth, this time to sing. He began quietly, pausing between the words.

'Glory,

glory,

glory to God in the highest.'

One by one we joined.

'Glory, glory, glory to God in the highest.'

Gradually the chorus grew louder and faster; 'Glory, glory to God in the highest. Glory, glory to God in the highest. Glory, glory to God in the highest.'

Our praise rose into the realms of the universe. In the most distant galaxy the dust on the oldest star danced with our praise. In the depths of the ocean, the water rippled with adoration. The tiniest microbe turned, the mightiest constellation spun, all of nature joined with us as we worshiped Immanuel, the God who had become flesh."

Cosmic Christmas by Max Lucado pages 95-97

 

Thought for the week: When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace. Jimi Hendrix

Funny for the week: Immortal Tombstone Inscriptions

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903--Died 1942.

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery , Nova Scotia :

Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only The Good Die Young.

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast... Pardon me for not rising.

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays The Kid. We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger But slow on the draw.

England, cemetery:

Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England:

On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there's only the pod. Pease shelled out and went to God.

On Lester Moore's grave in Tombstone, Arizona

Here lies Lester Moore Shot by a 44 No Les, No Moore

 

I don' do grave stone inscriptions................Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who was the wife of Aquila? Priscilla (Acts 18:2-3)

This week’s question: Approximately how many miles did Jesus walk from Capernaum on the Sea of Galilee to Jerusalem – 8, 23, 45, 66 or 80?

December 15, 2008

"Now in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city in Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin engaged to a man whose was Joseph, of the descendant of David, and the virgin's name was Mary." Luke 1:26-27

"On a wave of worship I (Gabriel) flew, this time alone. I circled through the clouds and over the ground. Below me was the city where Mary was born. The Father was right; I knew her in an instant. Her heart had no shadow. Her soul was as pure as any I've seen. I made the final descent. 'Mary.' I kept my voice low so as not to startle her. She turned but saw nothing. Then I realized I was invisible to her. I waved my wings before my body and incarnated. She covered her face at the Light and shrank into the protection of the doorway.

'Don't be afraid,' I urged. The minute I spoke, she looked up toward the sky. Again I was amazed. I praised my Father for His wisdom. Her heart is so flawless, so willing. 'Greetings. God be with you.' Her eyes widened, and she turned as if to run. 'Mary, you have nothing to fear. You have found favor with God. You will become pregnant and give birth to a son and call His name Jesus. He will be great. He will be called the Son of the Highest. The Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David; He will rule Jacob's house forever - no end, ever to His kingdom.'

Though she was listening, she was puzzled. 'But how? I've never slept with a man.'

Before I spoke I looked up into the heavens. The Father was standing, giving me His blessing. I continued, 'The Holy Spirit will come upon you, the power of the highest hover over you; therefore, the child you bring to birth will be called Holy, Son of God. Nothing, you see, is impossible with God.'

Mary looked at me then up into the sky. For a long time she gazed into the blueness, so long that I, too, looked up. Did she see the angels? Did the heavens open? I do not know. But I do know when I looked back at her, she was smiling.

'Yes, I see it all now: I'm the Lord's maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say.'

As she spoke, a Light appeared in her womb. I glanced at the vial. It was empty."

Cosmic Christmas by Max Lucado pages 62-66

Thought for the week: "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end." - Gilda Radner

Funny for the week: "The World's Most-Used Lies:

+ It's a good thing you came in today. It's the last one we have.

+ You made it yourself? I would have never guessed.

+ Go ahead and tell me, I won't tell another soul.

+ It's delicious but I can't eat another bit.

+ The doctor will call you right back.

+ You don't look a day over 50.

+ Your baby is just beautiful.

+ Put the map away. I know where we're at.

+ Having a great time. Wish you were here!

Oh, it was no trouble………………….Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: As recorded in Leviticus, what did God say was the punishment for people sacrificing their offspring to Molech? They were stoned to death. (Lev 20:2)

This week’s question: Who was the wife of Aquila?

December 8, 2008

"And she will bear a son and you shall call his name Jesus, for it is He who will save His people from their sins." Matthew 1:21

"The two stood facing each other. Neither spoke. The extremes of the universe were before me (Gabriel). God robed in Light, each thread glowing. Satan canopied in evil, the very fabric of his robe seeming to crawl. Peace contrasting panic. Wisdom confronting foolishness. One able to rescue, the other anxious to condemn.

I have reflected much on what happened next. Though I have relived the moment countless times, I'm as stunned as I was at the first. Never in my wildest thoughts did I think my King would do what He did. Had He demanded Satan's departure, who would have questioned? Had He taken Satan's life, who would have grieved? Had He called me to attack, I would have been willing. But God did none of these.

From the circle of Light came His extended hand. From His throne came an honest invitation. 'Will you surrender? Will you return to me?'

I do not know the thoughts of Satan. But I believe that for a fleeting second the evil heart softened. The head cocked slightly, as if amazed that such an offer would be made. But then it yanked itself erect.

'Where will we battle?' he challenged.

The Father sighed at the dark angel's resistance. 'On a hill called Calvary.'

'If you make it that far.' Satan smirked, spinning and marching out the entryway. I watched as his spiny wings extended, and he soared into the heavenlies. The Father stood motionless for a moment, then turned back to the book. Opening to the final chapter, He slowly read words I had never heard. No sentences. Just words. Saying each, then pausing:

Jesus,

Nail,

Cross,

Blood,

Tomb,

Life.

He motioned toward me, and I responded, kneeling again before Him. Handing me the necklace, He explained, 'This vial will contain the essence of Myself; a Seed to be placed in the womb of a young girl. Her name is Mary. She lives among My chosen people. The fruit of the Seed is the Son of God. Take it to her.'

'But how will I know her?' I asked

'Don't worry. You will.'

I could not comprehend God's plan, but my understanding was not essential. My obedience was. I lowered my head, and He draped the chain around my neck. Amazingly, the vial was no longer empty. It glowed with Light.

'Jesus. Tell her to call My Son, Jesus.'

Cosmic Christmas by Max Lucado, pages 26-30

Thought for the week: "There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all." - Ogden Nash

 

Funny for the week: "Secure Buildings"

Why the Military can't communicate with each other. . .

If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the lights and lock the door.

If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it and forbid entry to those without a pass.

If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with heavy fire, capture the building, fortify it and call for an air strike.

If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate a three year lease with an option to buy.

That explains it……………… Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Finish the following: "In all thy ways acknowledge him………" "and He shall direct thy paths."

This week’s question: As recorded in Leviticus, what did God say was the punishment for people sacrificing their offspring to Molech?

December 1, 2008

"Behold the virgin shall be with child, and shall bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel, which translated means, God with us." Matthew 1:23

"The King walked over and reached for the book. He turned it toward Lucifer and commanded, 'Come, Deceiver, read the name of the One who will call your bluff. Read the name of the One who will storm your gates.' Satan rose slowly off his haunches. Like a wary wolf, he walked a wide circle toward the desk until he stood before the volume and read the word:Immanuel. 'Immanuel?' he muttered to himself, then spoke in a tone of disbelief. 'God with us?' For the first time the hooded head turned squarely toward the face of the Father. 'No. Not even You would do that. Not even You would go so far.'

'You'e never believed Me, Satan.'

'But Immanuel? The plan is bizzarre! You don't know what it is like on Earth! You don't know how dark I've made it. It's putrid. It's evil. It's...'

'It is Mine,' proclaimed the King. 'And I will reclaim what is Mine. I will become flesh. I will feel what My creatures feel. I will see what they see.'

'But what of their sin?'

'I will bring mercy.'

'What of their death?' 'I will give life.' Satan stood speechless. God spoke, 'I love my children. Love does not take away the beloved's freedom. But love takes away fear. And Immanuel will leave behind a tribe of fearless children. They will not fear you or your hell.' Satan stepped back at the thought. His retort was childish.

'Th-th-they will too!'

'I will take away all sin. I will take away death. Without sin and without death, you will have no power.'

Around and around in a circle Satan paced, clenching and unclenching his wiry fingers. When he finally stopped, he asked a question that even I (Gabriel) was thinking.

'Why? Why would You do this?'

The Father's voice was deep and soft. 'Because I love them.'"

Cosmic Christmas by Max Lucado pages 22-26

Thought for the week: Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.

Funny for the week: Proverbs from Fourth Graders

A 4th grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is what they came up with:

Better to be safe than punch a 5th grader

Strike while the bug is close.

It's always darkest before daylight savings time

Never underestimate the power of termites.

You can lead a horse to water but how?

Don't bite the hand that looks dirty.

No news is impossible.

A miss is as good as a Mr.

You can't teach an old dog math.

If you lie down with dogs, you will stink in the morning.

Love all, trust me.

The pen is mightier than the pigs

An idle mind is the best way to relax.

Where there is smoke, there's pollution.

Happy is the bride who gets all the presents.

A penny saved is not much.

Two is company, three's The Musketeers.

None are so blind as Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed get new batteries.

You get out of something what you see pictured on the box.

When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you; cry and you have to blow your nose.

Sounds good to me………………. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Which is the only miracle of Jesus recorded in all four gospels? Feeding of the 5,000

This week’s question: Finish the following: "In all thy ways acknowledge him………"

November 24, 2008

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him..." Psalm 37:7

"Lord, I want patience and I want it right NOW!" Ever prayed that prayer? We have been called the "Microwave Generation." We are so busy and used to having everything from our food to our news delivered fast that we have lost the ability to wait. I preach to myself on this one. I am reminded that I got an ulcer waiting on our first child to be born. She refused to hurry up. As a teen we still had to wait on her. To this day she refuses to hurry up. However, the Lord knows that I can only grow if I have periods of waiting. Waiting strengthens my faith. If every prayer was answered instantly, I would never learn to trust. Waiting gives me time to fix the things in my life that enable me to receive the answer when He sends it. If I go ahead and try to "fix" the problem and fail as I always will, it assures me that when the answer does come that my Father did this, not me and He gets the credit. When we wait on God, in His time and in His way, He will do more in 10 minutes than we can do in a life time. When it comes to blessings, I would rather wait two years for two million dollars than wait two days for two dollars. Take it from one who hates to wait; Wait on the Lord, He will not let you down, ever! You will NEVER be disappointed when you wait on Him.

Thought for the week: Real Mothers know that a child’s growth is not measured by height or years or grade...It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mama to Mom to Mother...

Funny for the week:

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.

"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"

"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked.

"That's the one!"

"That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?"

"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye guide dog bit me."

Remember those pastel polyester leisure suits?????? Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How many books of the Bible begin with the letter "E"? 6 (Ecclesiastes, Ephesians, Ester, Exodus, Ezekiel and Ezra)

This week’s question: Which is the only miracle of Jesus recorded in all four gospels?

November 17, 2008

"Ask, and it will be given unto you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

One of the traits you often find in police officers is cynicism. That state of mind where you come to never completely believe anyone. Officers are lied to so many times that even when someone tells the truth, they often do not believe them. They build a wall of suspicion, repeating the mantra to themselves that "I'll believe it when a hot place freezes over". (actually they use different words to say that) While this mind set is common and even expected from officers in their work with people, it brings disaster in our walk with God. The reason is that we transfer our suspicions to Him and begin to think thoughts such as, "Does He really love me? Does he really care? Can I really trust Him?" God is aware how tough it is for you to trust Him. He knows all of the times when people have lied to you. But He does want you to learn to trust Him. He wants to show you how much He loves you. If you find yourself being suspicious of God and his promises, find time today to talk to him. Say something like this: "Father, it's hard for me to believe anyone about anything anymore. Help me to trust your Word and your promises. Send me a token today that you really care for me. Help me to learn to trust you even when I can not trust anyone around me." Amen

Thought for the week: Remember every good-looking, sweet, single male is someone else's ex-boyfriend (or ex husband)!

Funny for the week: Math Quiz

Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol. The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it. "I teach math there," I explained.

The trooper smiled, and said, "Okay, here's a problem. A teacher is speeding down the highway at 16 M.P.H. over the limit. At $12 for every mile, plus $40 court costs, plus the rise in her insurance, what's her total cost?"

I replied, "Taking that total, subtracting the low salary I receive, multiplying by the number of kids who hate math, then adding to that the fact that none of us would be anywhere without teachers, I'd say zero." He handed me back my license. 

"Math was never my favorite subject," he admitted. "Please slow down."

I didn’t like math either…………….. Chaplain Barnes

PS: Thanks to Pastor Mike for mailing the MMM the last two weeks while I was away on a mission trip.

Last week’s answer: Name the only full brother of Joseph, ruler of Egypt. Benjamin (Gen 35:24)

This week’s question: How many books of the Bible begin with the letter "E"?

November 10, 2008

"Let me hear of your steadfast love in the morning, for in you I put my trust...For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life. In your righteousness bring me out of trouble." Psalm 143:8,11

Several months ago, (as I write this devotional) I heard this verse over WMIT Black Mountain. I got my Bible out and looked it up. What a challenge! The Lord rarely gives you His strength before you face a tough journey in life. He gives His strength and help when you need it. I am reminded of the story Corrie ten Boom tells. When she and her dad were going on a train ride, he would not give her ticket to her until she stepped on the train and needed to hand it to the conductor. It was there all along in his pocket, waiting until the exact moment she needed it. God is like that. Instead of stewing and being rattled and shaken, dreading the path you will have to walk, remember that God has a message for you. He has promised to give you the grace you need to go through whatever you are facing and he will give it to you at the exact moment you step out and take the first step on your journey. I was facing a real tough obstacle that week and God came through. He gave me peace and when the moment of testing came, He brought me through. God is Faithful!

 

Thought for the week: "Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

Funny for the week: "Ethical Question"

"Would it be ethical to dig up the remains of the USA founding fathers, create clones from the bone cells, and place them in a theme park called Clonial Williamsburg?"

Ok – Ok, here is another one to take the curb off that one……..

Judge: I know you, don't I?

Defendant: Uh, yes.

Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you?

Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?

Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.

Defendant: Okay, I was your bookie.

Ouch………….. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: To what race did the woman who met Jesus at the well belong? Samaritans (John 4:6-7)

This week’s question: Name the only full brother of Joseph, ruler of Egypt.

November 3, 2008

"The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, to avoid the snares of death." Proverbs 14:27

DON'T DO IT!!! Someone reading this right now is about to willingly choose to enter into a wrong relationship or action. You remind me of a large picture a friend of mine told me about. It was the Grim Reaper placed on a sign which read, "An Easy Place To Die!" He said it was placed there by the authorities of Virginia Beach, at a particular spot where riptides were frequent and intense. According to the sign, 17 people had drowned there. To his amazement, 3 people had waded out there to fish, almost within 5 feet of the sign! As he said to me, "In the south we call this 'born ignorant and suffered a relapse!'" The Bible like that sign has some warnings about life that will benefit you by heeding. It's not that someone wants to cramp your style, it is just that there is a history here. Many people have gone ahead, ignored the warnings, and their life's hopes and dreams have been dashed and ruined. God is not trying to thwart you, or keep enjoyable things from you. It is just that He loves you so much that He doesn't want you to needlessly suffer bad consequences from ignoring His warnings. Please, Don't Go There!

Thought for the week: "Love is insanity with a collaborator."

Funny for the week: "Operator, I put in a quarter and didn’t get my number. The phone has kept my coin."

"Sir," she said, "if you give me your name and address, we’ll mail the coin to you."

I was appalled. "Operator," I said, "I think I can now understand the reason behind the difficulties of AT&T. You’re going to take the time and trouble to write down my name on a card and then you are probably going to give it to the person in charge of such matters. He will go to the cash register, punch it open, and take out a quarter, at the same time recording the reason for the cash withdrawal. Then he will take a slotted cardboard to hold the coin so it will not flop around in the envelope. Then he, or someone else, will place the card into an envelope, taking the time to write my name and address on it. Then the envelope will be sealed and have a first class stamp pasted on it. All that time and expense just to return a quarter. Now, Operator, why don’t you just return my coin and let’s be friends."

"Sir," she repeated in a flat voice, "if you give me your name and address, we will mail you the refund." Then, almost by way of afterthought, she said, "Sir, did you remember to press the coin return plunger?"

To tell the truth, I had overlooked this activity. I pressed the plunger. To my great surprise, it worked. But I think this phone had been constipated, as a river of coins began to spew out. There were so many I had to use my hat to collect them all.

Hearing all the noise, "Sir," said the Operator, "What is happening?"

"I told her that the phone return mechanism had malfunctioned, and I now had about four dollars in coins from the box."

"Sir," she said, "will you please put the coins back in the box."

"Operator," I said, "If you give me your name and address, I will be glad to mail you the coins."

Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul, ,by Norman Cousins, arr.

Better yet, call the PO-lice…………Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Which book in the Bible has the longest word in it? Isaiah 8:3 (Maher-shalal- has-baz)

This week’s question: To what race did the woman who met Jesus at the well belong?

October 27, 2008

"And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works." Hebrews 10:24

One of my favorite people who lived "love" to me when I was growing up was Ruth Greene. Mrs. Greene was always encouraging (provoking?) me to do better, especially with my spelling. (She taught 6^{th grade at Baton Elementary for decades) She was always gentle and soft spoken. But one trait she had always baffled me. No matter what happened, who did it or how it turned out; Mrs. Green would apologize for it. She always wanted to fix it or make things right, no matter who did it. She was a "Fixer." A "fixer' is someone who sees someone unhappy and always tries to change them. Someone that tries to do God's work: Save someone from a mistake, from a sin, from a terrible decision. A "fixer" is usually a compassionate person (good), who personally wants people to change for the better (good), but subconsciously assumes the blame when not everyone is happy or changes (very bad!). By always trying to make things better, a "fixer" often interferes with the work of God, for it is often through tough times that God develops someone's spiritual character. We should allow God to use us in other's lives; we should not assume that we, by ourselves, can alleviate all their problems and mistakes. That is God's job. If you tend to be a "fixer" by nature, meditate on this familiar prayer:}

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." St. Francis of Assisi

Thought for the week: No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes

Funny for the week: A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top quotes in corporate America :

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."

(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA )

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."

( Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."

(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."

(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."

(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."

(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."

(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."

(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."

(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

Kinda takes the wonder out of what makes companies go under…..Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What was Daniel’s Babylonian name? Belteshazzar (Dan 1:4)

This week’s question: Which book in the Bible has the longest word in it?

"And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works." Hebrews 10:24

October 20, 2008

"You are all sons of God in Christ Jesus,...There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:26:28

Someone (and I honestly do not remember who) once said, "All men are created equal, and most remain that way." How opposite that statement is to the verse above. Isn't it amazing how being in Christ changes things. One of the oldest tricks of the enemy is to fracture and divide a united group, especially the church. Families splinter and dissolve (especially over inheritance) into clans of loyalty. Ethnic groups are stand-offish to other ethnic groups. Churches arrogantly proclaim their superiority over other churches. But it was never meant to be that way. Once we receive the grace of God, we are equal. Equally blessed by God, equally undeserving of being blessed. I am sure there will always be a fractured society until the Lord Jesus returns. Satan will make sure of that. But that doesn't mean that we have to be part of it. If you ever find yourself feeling a little bit superior to someone else, re-read the verse above and remember God's perspective on each of us.

Thought for the week: Eat well, stay fit, die anyway

Funny for the week: Coy wife

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Shapiro became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blond.

As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Shapiro, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"

Bewildered, Mr. Shapiro was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl."

"Of course you didn't" said his wife, consolingly. "I did."

Bet he stands on his pillow and crows……………. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who walked naked and barefoot for three years as a prophetic sign that the same would happen to Egyptians taken prisoner by Assyria? Isaiah (Isaiah 20:2-3)

This week’s question: What was Daniel’s Babylonian name?

October 6, 2008

"When you pass through the waters I will be with you, and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." Isaiah 43:2

I was setting on the dock fishing at Lake Lure. My daughter who was in the fourth grade was riding her bicycle around the campground. Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I caught the blur of a pink and purple streak going by, followed immediately by a huge splash. She had ridden her bike right off the dock and into the lake. Being the good father I am, I sat there, holding my rod and did nothing. Her head popped up out of the water and as she thrashed the water her face was covered with terror. Without moving, I looked straight at her and said, "SWIM!" Instantly her face broke into a smile as she began to tread water, and then she started swimming to the dock. I reached down and pulled her out of the water, wrapped my arms around her and said, "Stephanie, THAT is why we took you to swimming lessons every summer since you can remember. You do not have to fear water, you know how to swim." Today you may be shook up big time. You may feel that you are drowning in a sea of trouble, a sea of fears, a sea of responsibilities that you can not meet. Your face may be covered with terror. I promise you, Jesus will NEVER let you drown. He is right beside you, stretching out His hand to lift you up, wrap His arms around you and help you stand again. Read the verse above again. Notice it says, "when", not "if." What a comfort to know he is already there, waiting to save us. (Oh, yes, I got the bike out, good father that I am.)

Thought for the week: There are two ways of meeting difficulties: You alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them. Phyllis Bottome (1884-1963)

Funny for the week: How to get an apartment…

Ira and Esther Goldberg had a large family of seven healthy children. They moved to America from Europe and were having a difficult time finding an apartment to live in. Many apartments were large enough, but the landlords objected to such a large family.

After several days of unsuccessful searching, Ira asked Esther to take the four younger children to visit the cemetery, while he took the older three to find an apartment. After they had looked most of the morning, they found a place that was just right.

The landlord asked the usual question: "How many children do you have?"

Ira answered with a deep sigh, "Seven...but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery."

He got the apartment!

Creativity or deception???? Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: In the Beatitudes, who does Jesus say will be satisfied (or filled)? Those who hunger and thirst after righteousness (Matt 5:6)

This week’s question: What musical instrument did David play?

September 29, 2008

"Do all things without complaining and grumbling." Philippians 2:14

She was our Physical Training instructor in Basic Law Enforcement Training and believed the old saying, "No pain, no gain." She wore a sweatshirt with the word "WHINING" written on it. Around that word was a red circle with a slash over it meaning, "NO Whining". We got the message! Whining. Everybody does it, (except the rookies in her PT class.) So, if everybody does it, what's the big deal? One of the more obvious consequences of whining is that you can become a pariah, people avoid you because they just don't care to listen to it. However, have you ever thought that whining is an indirect insult to God? Very few of us would say to God, "I really don't like the way you're doing things!" But frequent whining is saying exactly that to God. Whining can poison your relationship, alienate friends, emotionally warp your children, and the list is long and expensive. Try overcoming the evil of whining by focusing on God's goodness. The next time you are hell-bent on verbalizing your minor frustrations, start writing a blessing list. List the really "Big" ones and the "Smaller" ones. You'll be reminded of your Father's goodness and the griping will dissipate. If it doesn't, try my instructors cure - push-ups!

Thought for the week: Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.-- William Arthur Ward

Funny for the week: David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, yes, it was lost.

Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click.

"Great," David thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better, because it locks ..."

yep, he did…………..Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What was the garment of John the Baptist made of? Camel hair (Matt 3:4)

This week’s question: In the Beatitudes, who does Jesus say will be satisfied (or filled)?

September 21, 2008

"The Lord is near to those whose heart is broken and He saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

I can still remember it like yesterday. I stood with my hands locked in the chain link fence while tears of pain ran down my face. The ground shook and the deafening roar of the jet engines drowned out my cry and the huge airplane lifted off the Charlotte Douglas runway. On board that plane was the girl I had just given my heart to and asked to marry me. She was on her way back to Texas where she was in school. I had to remain here. We would see each other again at the next break, but in the mean time, the separation was agony. The Bible tells us that our Heavenly Father performs a special miracle in these times of misery. He could build a protective umbrella around us, to shield us from any and all hurts. Instead, the tenderness and kindness of God is clearly seen when life has left us dazed and bewildered. Your Father will, in time, heal your grief, your disappointment and your heartache. In the meantime, He doesn't send help; He comes to you. He is especially near His struggling child, supporting you, helping you. If you listen above the roar of the immediate pain, you can hear Him say, "I'll help you get through this, just trust me." And, He did.

Thought for the week: About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. -- Herbert Hoover

Funny for the week: After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."

"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"

"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

Humor

* * * * * *

"Two fellows were driving a delivery truck down a road when they came to a tunnel. The sign above said: 'Warning: Maximum Height 10 feet zero inches,' so they got out and measured their truck. Unfortunately, the truck was just over 12 feet high.

"They didn't know what to do, when finally one of them looked in both directions and said, 'I don't see any police, let's go for it!'"

Daily Encounter

I think they were from Hudson, not Lenoir......................... Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How many days did water flood the earth in Genesis? 150 days (Gen 7:24)

This week’s question: What was the garment of John the Baptist made of?

September 15, 2008

"So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34

(Today I preach to the preacher. This devotion is for me but you are welcome to read it.) "The best way to ruin today is to worry about tomorrow. It is so common for me to do this, to carry the imagined or real worries of tomorrow on my back today. The result is I am blinded to the blessings of today because I am obsessed about what might happen tomorrow. Barnes, it will sap you of energy and joy because you are carrying two days worth of concern. Tomorrow comes and then you start stewing about the next tomorrow and the cycle starts again. Jesus gave you some practical advice about this and He wants you to obey it! Focus on today; spiritually, physically and emotionally. Refuse to frighten yourself about tomorrow. God will help you here because He knows your weakness. Barnes, before you go to sleep tonight, have a little celebration with your Father. Remember all the blessings that He sent today, remember how He helped you with the problems. Then thank Him that He will bless you tomorrow the same way. As you do this, you will be amazed at the confidence you will have to face the challenges of tomorrow, when tomorrow comes; not before."

Thought for the week: Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own. -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Funny for the week: "Worry"
A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though he'd just escaped a tornado.

"What's wrong?" a woman asked.

"I just lost a game to Houlihan," the pro said.

"What? But Houlihan's the worst player I've ever seen. How could he have beaten you?"

"He tricked me," the pro said. "On the first tee, he asked for a handicap. I told him he could have 30, 40, 50 strokes - any handicap he wanted. He said, 'Just give me two gotchas.'"

"What's a gotcha?" asked the woman.

"That's what I wanted to know," the pro said. "Houlihan said, 'You'll see.' Then, as I was teeing off, just as I had my club poised, he grabbed my shorts and gave me a wedgie and screamed out 'Gotcha!'"

"I can guess what happened," the woman said.

"Sure," the pro said. "That gotcha threw me off, and I missed the ball completely."

"Understandable," the woman said. "But still, that's only one swing. How did he win the game?"

The pro answered, "I couldn't swing well the rest of the game because I was watching out for that second 'gotcha!'"

I know a few people who give me "gotcha’s"………..Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What relative was Lot to Abraham? Nephew (Gen 12:5)

This week’s question: How many days did water flood the earth in Genesis?

FROM CHAPLAIN BARNES On-the-Job Inspiration, Humor Challenge and Encouragement. You are invited to copy and share these notes with others so long as it is not for profit.

September 8, 2008

My devotional this week is a prayer sent to me by my friend Joe G. Please think about it as you read it and see if like me, you need to pray it out loud.

Heavenly Father,

Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and was rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not just to those who are close to us but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judgment and quick to forgiveness and patience and empathy and love.

AMEN

Thought for the week: Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away.
-- Thomas Fuller

Funny for the week: "A Simple Explanation of Baseball"

This is a game played by two teams, one out the other in. The one that's in, sends players out one at a time, to see if they can get in before they get out. If they get out before they get in, they come in, but it doesn't count. If they get in before they get out it does count.

When the ones out get three outs from the ones in before they get in without being out, the team that's out comes in and the team in goes out to get those going in out before they get in without being out.

When both teams have been in and out nine times the game is over. The team with the most in without being out before coming in wins unless the ones in are equal. In which case, the last ones in go out to get the ones in out before they get in without being out.

The game will end when each team has the same number of ins out but one team has more in without being out before coming in.

Now, that was simple enough wasn’t it ………Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What was another name for Bethlehem? Ephrath (Gen 35:19)

This week’s question: What relative was Lot to Abraham?

September 1, 2008 #494

"For I have learned, in whatever state I am, to be content. I know how to live in abundance, I know how to live in need...I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:11-13 Edited

When I was in Texas doing my graduate work, we used to joke that because of that verse, we knew Paul was not from Texas, because no one from Texas would be content anywhere but in Texas. Contentment. That elusive state where we perceive everything is in harmony and balance. And then along comes change and our contentment crashes around us and we are miserable. We resent the change because we are longing for a future Utopia where everything is consistent and non-threatening. We beg God to hurry up and change the circumstances and when he does, we soon began looking for reasons why we don't like our new circumstances and the cycle starts all over again. Contentment becomes that illusive dream we can never obtain. Paul tells us it is not necessarily the circumstances but our inner misery of discontentment causing our anguish. Only our Father can release us from this problem. Only He can readjust our attitude and help us to focus on the way that He has and is blessing us. He can help us accept our present lot and wait patiently until He changes our circumstances. And, when He does, it will always be at His perfect time and in His perfect way. Until then, practice contentment knowing who is in control.

Thought for the week: Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything. -- Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle

Funny for the week: "Origin of Mankind"

A little girl asked her father, "How did the human race come about?"

The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made."

Two days later she asks her mother the same question.

The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her father and says: "Dad, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Mom says we developed from monkeys?"

The Father answers, "That's simple, honey. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your mother told you about her side."

Sure am glad my wife does not read these………….Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What kind of wood was Noah’s ark made of? Gopher wood (Gen 6:14)

This week’s question: What was another name for Bethlehem?

August 25, 2008

"For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God....So then, each of us will be accountable to God." Romans 14:10,12

FROM CHAPLAIN BARNES On-the-Job Inspiration, Humor Challenge and Encouragement. You are invited to copy and share these notes with others so long as it is not for profit.

One of the dangers of counseling is that the counselor often becomes a victim. If we try to play God and change the person, we end up on a dead-end street because we cannot save or change anyone, no matter how hard we try. People change when God enters their hearts and then He changes them from the inside out. If we become too sympathetic we are in danger of becoming a whipping post and blaming ourselves for their problem. "If I had done this or that..." Again, we must remember that people do what they choose to do, right or wrong. People are responsible to God and the Law for what they have chosen to do. When you see others fail, pray fervently that God will change them. Do NOT try to do God's work and Do NOT hang the albatross of guilt around your neck. Let them know you love them and care, but don't become a victim to their bad choices. You need to remain strong to encourage them, not fall in the pit with them. That's Biblical. (Suggested reading, Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson and Get Out of That Pit By Beth Moore)

Thought for the week: There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
-- Doctor Who

Funny for the week: "Resume Cover Letters"

These were taken from real Resumes and Cover Letters, and were printed in "Fortune" Magazine:

1. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet pogroms."
2. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
9. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
10. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
11. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
12. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
13. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in Meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
14. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
15. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
16. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chainstore."
17. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
18. "Marital status: often. Children: various."
19. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
20. "Finished eighth in class of ten."
21. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"How embarrassing"………………. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What eight-letter word means "a falling away from God’s truth? Apostasy

This week’s question: What kind of wood was Noah’s ark made of?

August 18, 2008

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God who gives to all men generously and without scolding, and it will be given him." James 1:5

In-service training. Lt. Martin Hicks once told me that he had officers who counted their years till retirement in terms of how many in-service trainings they had left. I can believe it! But we all know why we do it. We must continually prepare mentally and physically for those times when we will be called upon to react to a threat or challenge. Have you ever thought that maybe we need to do spiritual in-service training? Instead of waiting till struggles come, we should be praying now that God will prepare us for that struggle. Try making a memory bank of certain situation where you struggle. List those places where you feel anger, fright or discontent. Then pray about them and ask God for wisdom to deal with them in advance of when they come. If you have prayed about them in advance, then when you are caught off guard, you can see the situation as a blinking caution light and ask God to help you be very careful in your words and actions. It is true that God's wisdom can be obtained from the Bible, prayer and Godly advice. But it is also true that God gives us wisdom when we learn from our past mistakes and struggles.

Thought for the week: Where facts are few, experts are many. -- Donald R. Gannon

Funny for the week: "Doctor's Orders"

A guy says to the bartender, "A glass of your finest Less, please."

"Less? Never heard of it."

"C'mon, sure you have."

"No, really, we don't stock it. What is it? Some kind of foreign beer?"

"I'm not sure. It was my doctor who mentioned it. He said I should drink Less."

And to think he votes…………… Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What is the Aramaic word for "father"? Abba

This week’s question: What eight-letter word means "a falling away from God’s truth?