January 26, 2009

"Why am I so sad? Why am I so troubled? I will put my hope in God, and once again I will praise Him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:11

I finally found a good use for Kudzu. It reminds me of the attitudes many people have. Kudzu attitudes are attitudes that if left unchecked will rapidly grow and grow and grow until they cover and blot out everything good and beautiful, choking it to death in its tendrils and shade. There are three attitudes that I would list under Kudzu attitudes. Worry, self-pity and bitterness. Give ground to any of these three and soon you will find yourself defeated and miserable. There is only one thing that can "Round-up" these attitudes and kill them to the roots before they destroy your spirit, and that is Jesus Christ. Only when you allow Him to replace wrong attitudes with godly ones will victory come. Spiritual battles are won or lost in the mind and only Christ has the power to tear down the strongholds Satan puts there. Read the verse above again and notice how David replaces the Kudzu attitudes with correct ones. Hope in God and praise your Savior. Kudzu or daisies? What are you cultivating today?

 

Thought for the week: If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives.
            -- Marlon Brando

 

Funny for the week: The psychology instructor was giving an oral test, after a lecture on mental health. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
Clean Laugh

Or political convention attendees.......................Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Approximately how many miles did Jesus walk from Capernaum on the Sea of Galilee to Jerusalem – 8, 23,45,66 or 80? 80 miles

This week’s question: Fill in the blank of this advice to Christians with one word: "De not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained ______ unawares."

January 19, 2009

"The Father himself loves you, because you have loved me and have believed that I have come from God." John 16:27

Have you ever wondered why they call them, "MAN's best friend?" May I give you an inside hint as to why that saying is true? I get up, take a cold shower because all the hot water is gone, skip breakfast because there is no milk, fight the traffic to get the kids to school, arrive at work late only to find mass confusion and impossible tasks to be performed. I do four things right and one wrong and focus is put on that one wrong, and Satan jumps in and tells me "You don't measure up, you're a failure!" I drag home late, walk in the door and into my arms leaps a wiggling bundle of fur with a tail going 90 miles a hour. He licks my face and neck and thinks the whole world is just for me. He is so excited to see me that sometimes he even wets. Talk about being loved and accepted, sweat and all! No woman could ever understand that feeling! Only a man can bond with that kind of acceptance. Sometimes we transfer our inferior feelings to God. We end up disheartened, doubting God's love for us. The Bible tells us it is impossible for God to love you more than He does right now! He doesn't love you because of what you have done. He just loves you...constantly. He is crazy about you! Now that's the kind of friends I need!

Thought for the week: Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?    -- George Carlin

Funny for the week: A man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Oh, just forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, I know. And it's lucky you have!" said the woman, drying her eyes. "I was able to use a piece from them to patch the hole!" Monday Fodder

* * * * * *

"One time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it’s holding a parking ticket." Humor Digest

Yelp, been there done that....................Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who was the wife of Aquila? Priscilla (Acts 18:2-3)

This week’s question: Approximately how many miles did Jesus walk from Capernaum on the Sea of Galilee to Jerusalem – 8, 23,45,66 or 80?

January 12, 2009

A man sat down to supper with his family. As usual, he said grace, thanking God for the food, for the hands that prepared it, and for the source of all life. As the meal proceeded, the man began to complain. The bread was not fresh enough, he grumbled. The cheese was too sharp. And the coffee was hotter and bitterer than he preferred.

After a while, his young daughter looked at him, perplexed. "Dad," she asked, "do you think God heard the grace today?" He answered confidently, "Of course." Then she asked "And do you think God heard what you said about the coffee, the cheese, and the bread?" Not so confidently, he answered, "Why, yes, I believe so." The little girl concluded, "Then which do you think God believed, Dad?"

The man usually had a quick response to any question his daughter asked. Now, he sat in stunned silence. The man realized that his mealtime prayer had become a well-practiced habit in which he said words that made him look and feel good. He also saw how his real attitude, as revealed by the spontaneous words in his complaints, was not what he wanted, or even liked.

How Does This Apply to Our Lives?

The story illustrates an interesting thing about the tongue. It can be helpful, or destructive. The tongue can encourage, or discourage. It can spread love, or spew forth venom.

The difference is not in the tongue itself. The difference is in one's heart. Many hidden diseases of the body are detected when doctors look into the mouth. Hidden diseases of the spirit and mind are revealed by what comes out of the mouth.

You see, people get a picture of who you really are by the way you use your tongue. Fortunately, you can frame the content of that picture. As Proverbs 17:28 says, "Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue."

Evaluate the words you use and your tone of voice. What picture are you painting of yourself with the things that come out of your mouth?

But don't stop with the question of your appearance. Consider what your words and tone of voice say about your spiritual and mental conditions. Do the things that come out of your mouth reflect God's values and standards? Do they give evidence of a strong relationship with Jesus Christ? If they don't, why not?

For your own health and happiness, deal with the conditions these symptoms reveal. A heart problem can be extremely dangerous if you fail to give it proper attention.

by Rich McLawhorn, Mr. Mom’s Mailing List

 

Thought for the week: Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
            -- Evan Esar, Esar's Comic Dictionary

 

Funny for the week: One of the world's most famous merchant captains died, having long been admired by his crew and fellow officers. They remained puzzled, however, over a strange ritual he performed daily. While at sea he would lock himself in his cabin and open a small safe, take out an envelope with a note inside and read it. After locking the paper back in the safe, he would return to his duties.

The word got around. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love?

Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew back to the ship and into the captain's quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope and read the words aloud to an astonished crew:

‘Things every captain should know…

When standing on the bridge looking towards the bow, Port is Left, Starboard is Right.’ 
Humor

Trivia Note: Did you know that in olden times there was a board that extended from the Right side of the ship where the navigator could step out and see the stars around the sails to navigate by? Since this board was sticking out, the ship always docked on the left side when in port to avoid damaging the board used for star navigation. And now you know where the terms, "Port and Starboard" come from….. true story to…….Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Which Greek god was Paul once mistaken for? Mercury (Acts 14:12)

This week’s question: Who was the wife of Aquila?

January 5, 2009

A Good Story

My son, Gilbert, was eight-years-old and had been in Cub Scouts only a short time. During one of his meetings, he was handed a sheet of paper, a block of wood, four tires and was told to return home and give it all to "dad."

That was not an easy task for Gilbert to do. Dad was not receptive to doing things with his son. But Gilbert tried. Dad read the paper and scoffed at the idea of making a pinewood derby car with his young eager son. The block of wood remained untouched as the weeks passed. Finally, mom stepped in to see if she could figure this all out. The project began.

Having no carpentry skills, I decided it would be best if I simply read the directions and let Gilbert do the work. And he did. I read aloud the measurements, the rules of what we could do and what we couldn't do. Within days, his block of wood was turning into a pinewood derby car. A little lopsided, but looking great (at least through the eyes of mom). Gilbert had not seen any of the other kids' cars and was feeling pretty proud of his "Blue Lightning." The kind of pride that comes with knowing you did something on your own.

Then the big night came. With his blue pinewood derby car in his hand and pride in his heart, we headed to the big race. Once there, my little one's pride turned to humility. Gilbert's car was obviously the only car made entirely on his own. All the other cars were a father-son partnership, with cool paint jobs and sleek body styles made for speed.

A few of the boys giggled as they looked at Gilbert's lopsided, wobbly, unattractive vehicle. To add to the humility, Gilbert was the only boy without a man at his side. A couple of the boys who were from single parent homes at least had an uncle or grandfather by their side, but Gilbert had "mom."

As the race began, it was done in elimination fashion. You kept racing as long as you were the winner. One by one, the cars raced down the finely sanded ramp. Finally, it was between Gilbert and the sleekest, fastest looking car there. As the last race was about to begin, my wide-eyed, shy eight-year- old asked if they could stop the race for a minute, because he wanted to pray. The race stopped.

Gilbert went to his knees, clutching his funny looking block of wood between his hands. With a wrinkled brow, he set to converse with his Father. He prayed in earnest for a very long minute and a half. Then he stood, smile on his face and announced, "Okay, I am ready."

As the crowd cheered, a boy named Tommy stood with his father as their car sped down the ramp. Gilbert stood with his Father within his heart and watched his block of wood wobble down the ramp with surprisingly great speed and rushed over the finish line a fraction of a second before Tommy's car. Gilbert leaped into the air with a loud "Thank You" as the crowd roared in approval.

The Scout Master came up to Gilbert with microphone in hand and asked the obvious question, "So, you prayed to win, huh, Gilbert?"

To which my young son answered, "Oh, no sir. That wouldn't be fair to ask God to help you beat someone else. I just asked Him to make it so I wouldn't cry when I lost."

--Unknown

Thought for the week: My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.
            -- Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892

Funny for the week: The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the girl he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposals a number of times. He began what can only be called "Campaigning" and sent her a small packaged gift of his affection every day for a month to her house. Soon, the young lady fell in love with the UPS man.
CleanLaugh

* * * * * *

My son, who'd made the dean's list in his first year at a major university, called home a few weeks after starting his second year as a psychology student.

"Mom," he excitedly said, "I have found the answer to surviving at university! It isn't the grades that are so important but the quality of what is learned, and how this knowledge is applied in daily life. I'm so lucky to be having these wonderful experiences!"

"And just what does this mean?" I asked.

"I'm flunking math," he replied.
Humor Digest

That is what you call "Applied Psychology".................Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What was the name of the first recorded female Christian believer in Athens? Damaris (Acts 17:34)

This week’s question: Which Greek god was Paul once mistaken for?