June 30, 2008

"Fear thou not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 4:10

His name is Tom Whisnant. He is the bravest man I know. He was my instructor who taught me to fly. The first three times we went up together, Tom was so calm and collected as he sat in the right seat beside me. I was so nervous I threw up. He was patient and soon I was enjoying the lessons, no nervousness and fear. The reason? If Tom was not nervous, I had no need to be nervous. Tom had flown for decades and he was not alarmed or rattled, even when I over banked the plane or bounced on the landing. The reason I could relax and not be nervous was because Tom was beside me and I knew that he was ultimately in control of the airplane. Guess what? Did you know that when you get into situations that make you jumpy and nervous, that if you are a Christian, Jesus Christ is right beside you and NOTHING rattles Him. He is in absolute control of your circumstances. If He is not nervous, He can certainly help you to not be nervous. Keep your eyes on Him and you will learn to relax and trust the master pilot of your life.

Thought for the week: The question is not so much what the hand is doing (passing over some cash or a check) but what the heart is thinking while the hand is doing it. John R. W. Stott

Funny for the week: "Sorting Letters"

Myrddin had gotten a part time job at the Post Office and the supervisor there had been warned that he was somewhat of a dullard, but the supervisor took a liking to him and agreed to let Myrddin help him. If nothing else, he would be an extra set of hands.

The supervisor gives Myrddin the job of sorting, and much to everyone's surprise, Myrddin separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur.

Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Myrddin at the end of the day. "I just want you to know," he said, "that we're all very proud of you. You're one of the fastest workers we have ever had."

"Thank you," said Myrddin, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."

"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do better?"

Myrddin replied, "Tomorrow I am going to read the addresses."

The truth at last………………. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What fraction of the earth’s creatures and ships are destroyed in Revelation 8? One-third (Rev 8:9)

This week’s question: How many epistles of Peter are included in the NT?

June 23, 2008

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Psalm 23:6

I heard a saying long ago that is so true. "Hind sight is 20\20". It's so easy to get a case of the what ifs when we think about the future. It is easy to frighten ourselves with imagined disasters and problems that might happen. One way the Lord encourages us when it comes to the future is to remind us of the past. How He has helped us when we were discouraged and in despair. Those times when He picked us up when we had given up. Sometimes we let a terrifying future disaster torment us only to feel so stupid when it doesn't happen. The next time you get a case of the 'What ifs", stop and remember that hind sight is 20\20 and remember God's faithfulness and past help. He will surely do it again if we just trust Him. That is called, faith.

Thought for the week: Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. -- Eugene McCarthy

Funny for the week: "Baby Talk"

What your baby would tell you if he could talk:

1. I have my blankie, you have your caffeine. Enough said.

2. Don't be jealous, but I think I'm in love with the ceiling fan.

3. I know where the remote control is, but it'll cost you.

4. To you, it's just an empty egg carton; to me it's PlayStation 2.

5. Actually, I don't mind sitting in a bathtub that I've peed in.

6. Bang a screwdriver slowly and steadily into your gums. That's what teething feels like.

7. Two words I'd rather not hear from you: rectal thermometer.

8. There's no point in teaching me to say "mama" or "dada." My first word is going to be "hat."

9. I've told you five times what cow says. If you can't remember, I'm not telling you again.

10. There is no question that I can cry longer than you can listen.

11. I'm not just wildly throwing my food. I'm exploring the laws of gravity, estimating mass, and testing wind velocity.

12. If you wanted a good sleeper, you should have gotten a cat.

13. Who that baby in the mirror you keep asking me about?

14. If my bottom is so darn cute, why is someone always trying to cover it up?

15. Who are you two to tell me how important it is to sleep alone?

16. What you secretly believe is true: I am much smarter than other babies.

Now you know…………….. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How does the book of Numbers get its name? From a census of the Israelite people.

This week’s question: What fraction of the earth’s creatures and ships are destroyed in Revelation 8?

June 16, 2008

Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7

Many of you may have been fans of the TV show, 'M.A.S.H." Crazy as it might have been it was supposed to be a first stop hospital for men wounded in battle before they were sent on to a hospital for extended care. What a picture of the church - or is it? Could we actually be guilty of shooting our own wounded instead of applying healing? One of the more wonderful ways you can show God's forgiveness is to love a person who has failed miserably. A person who has sinned is usually struggling with some wrong attitudes about God's forgiveness and may also be experiencing harsh criticism from other "Christians". Why not go to them and show them that God still loves them because you still love them? Show them that God will forgive them because you have forgiven them and give them another chance, and another, and another (70X7) even. It's always easier to practice a false religion and "look down your nose" at others who fail. But to gently and kindly encourage a person to return to God...now you are showing the perfect love of Jesus.

Thought for the week: "My father invented the burglar alarm - which unfortunately was stolen from him." - Victor Borge

Funny for the week: "Southern Hospitality"

A very gentle southern lady was driving across the Savannah River Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin' to jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please sir, don't jump, think of your dear mother and father."

He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."

She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."

He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."

Grasping for any opportunity, she cried, "Think of your job, the work still to be done."

"I was fired today and have no prospect of another job."

Running out of ideas, she appealed to his patriotism and said, "Well, think of Robert E. Lee."

He replied, ''Who's Robert E. Lee?''

She replied, ''Well bless your heart sugar, just go ahead and jump."

Now there’s a true Southern Bell……..Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Name the wife of Isaac. Rebekah (Gen 24:67)

This week’s question: How does the book of Numbers get its name?

June 9, 2008

"And we know that God works all things together for good, to them who love God." Romans 8:28

I am told by my parents that when I was a little biddy boy, (try to imagine that), I could ask more questions than Einstein could answer. I am sure I wore out the word "why" many times. Children are curious about everything and some seem more curious than others. I wrote the book. Maybe that is why is has been so hard for me to learn that God rarely answers questions that start with 'why?" God gives us promises for the future, but He does not give us all the details. Like the verse above he promises He will be working in all circumstances for our good, but He does not promise to explain Himself or His actions in the process. He wants us to learn to trust Him, and that is a critical part of our faith. Maybe in a few years you will see the reason, maybe not. What you will see is that God always keeps His promises. And that is all the why we need to know.

Thought for the week: Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? -- Dick Clark

Funnies for the week: "Charm School 101"

At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. She said, "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you."

Then, returning to reality, she added, "But, if man is in the restaurant ordering his steak, don't wait any longer."

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"Number 1"
The coach for the little league team had not yet learned the names of all the players, so he called them by the numbers on their uniforms. He yelled, "Number 5, your time to bat," and Jeff came to the plate to hit. He yelled, "Number 7," and Steve jumped up. Then he yelled, "Number 1," but no one got up.

Again he called out, "Number 1." Still no one emerged from the dugout. The umpire was getting annoyed at the delay, so the coach yelled out, "Who's number 1?"

The entire team responded, "We are, coach. We are!"

Who’s on second………………….. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How long did Jeremiah say that the period of Judah’s captivity in Babylon would last? Seventy years (2 Corn 36:21)

This week’s question: Name the wife of Isaac.

June 2, 2008

"A fool gives full vent to anger, but the wise quietly holds it back." Proverbs 29:11

I recently read where someone did a study and came to the conclusion that Americans are becoming increasingly more rude. Duh! Ridden in a police car lately? Been in a public school room lately? As America becomes increasingly more rude we must be ready to respond. Regardless of where you live or work, you will sometime or other have to deal with the southern proverbial "horses tail." I am certainly not an expert on this but I think we could all benefit from two general rules. 1. Say as little as possible. Angry rude people will twist and distort your words. 2. Lower your voice, really low. Increased volume escalates on both sides. "A soft answer turns away wrath", and there is something about a whisper that commands people to listen. I know this is tough and I fail more than I succeed, but remember these rules the next time you encounter someone acting like a 5 year old. You both will be better for it.

Thought for the week: He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch.
-- Unknown

Funny for the week: "The Congregation Replied"

Down in the south, there are many churches known as "answer back" churches. When the preacher says something, the congregation naturally replies.

One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better. He said "If this church is to become better, it must take up it's bed, and walk." The congregation said "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."

Encouraged by their response, he went further. "If this church is going to become better, it will have to throw aside it's hindrances and run!" The congregation replied, "Let it run, preacher, let it run!"

Now really into his message, he spoke stronger. "If this church really wants to become great, it will have to take up it's wings and fly!" "Let it fly, Preacher, let it fly!" the congregation shouts.

The Preacher gets louder. "If this church is going to fly, it will cost money!"

The congregation replied. "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."

I just luv preacher jokes……………………Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What was the second body of water through which God allowed the Israelites passage? The Jordan River (Josh 3)

This week’s question: How long did Jeremiah say that the period of Judah’s captivity in Babylon would last?