April 26, 2010

“This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

In Genesis it says that at the end of each day after God had made each thing, He declared it GOOD! I have never quite figured out how the Mosquito made it in that blessing. If there ever was something that had no apparent good, it would be that varmint. Yet, God does all things well or good and he made them too. It seems only we humans have the innate ability to focus on all the minor irritations of life and let the “little things” cloud out the mammoth blessings that come to us each day. I am sure the evil one would have us ignore those blessings and focus only on those small nagging irritants of life. Don’t let him. Choose to be happy because happiness is indeed a choice. No one can make you be unhappy or mad. You choose. Likewise you can choose to be happy when you choose to focus on the right things. So what will it be today? Golden sunrise of another God given day and life or buzzzzz? It’s your choice! Amen, you think about that while I kill this mosquito.

Thought for the week: Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte

Funny for the week: Girlie Wisdom!

1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... She has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.

6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

8. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my underwear.

10. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

12. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

13. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

Move over Plato…………… Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who bowed down seven times to his brother after a long separation?

Jacob (or Israel) (Gen. 33:3)

This week’s question: Name the four brothers of Jesus.

April 19, 2010

“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9 (NAS)

In two days I will celebrate my second birthday. I was saved April 21, 1961 at Calvary Baptist Church in Kanaplois NC. As an eight year old preachers kid, I did not have a lot of bad living to repent from. A few stolen cookies from the cookie jar, a white lie or three. But I understood that I had sinned and that sin keeps us away from fellowship with God and I needed to repent, and I asked Jesus to save me. And, He did. I remember that night when I felt the conviction of Jesus and in the simple quite way of an eight year old boy I simply chose to follow Jesus Christ. There were no bright lights, no shouting angels, no voices booming from heaven. Just a quite simple prayer of confession and the Holy Spirit moved into my eight year old heart and has been there ever since. I did not know or understand all that happened to me that night. I would learn that in the years that followed. I would learn about prayer, struggling against sin, maturing in the faith, standing firm in faith and over and over again the beauty of forgiveness and restoration. I would later experience the call to full time Christian vocation. But on that quite night at a revival service when I took my dad’s hand and together we walked down to the alter, my eternal destination was changed and by my simple prayer Jesus Christ became Lord and Savior of my life, and I have never regretted that decision. Not of works lest I boast, but a free gift of God. Doubts? Plenty. Struggles? Many. Jesus wants to relate to our personalities individually. For some like Paul conversion is the culmination of a fierce battle of wills where self dies violently and hard. For others it is quite and gentle like finally meeting an old friend who you have been expecting for a long time. Such was my experience. But once that decision is made, your life will never be the same as you share your entire self with Jesus. I hope you too can point back to one time when you made that decision to follow Christ and make him Lord of your life.

Thought for the week: A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
-- Unknown

Funny for the week: Here is today's Ad Free CleanLaugh.

Here's hoping there is no one like this at your workplace.

Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money.

The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars.

Greetings from sunny Orlando, Fl…….Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Give the last name of each of the two disciples named Judas.

Iscariot and Thaddaeus

This week’s question: Who bowed down seven times to his brother after a long separation?

April 12, 2010

“My soul is very sorrowful, even unto death…My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I want, but thy will be done.” Matthew 26:38-39

Do you know who was praying the prayer printed in part above? Yes, it was Jesus in the Garden. Stop and reflect that it is a prayer prayed by Jesus that God did not answer exactly as he asked it. Even Jesus was denied his request. When we pray we need to be careful that we do not paint God into a corner by dictating how He should answer our prayer. We are wrong to tell him how to answer, when to answer or even what to answer. God has the wisdom to answer in a way that is always in our best interest and according to his plan and will. He may answer exactly as we ask or He may supersede our request by answering in a better way. He may also say no or (that dirty word I hate) wait. One thing we can be sure of is that His answer to our prayers are perfect in timing, circumstances and measure when we add, “not my will, but thine be done.”

Thought for the week: "You are only young once but can stay immature indefinitely."
- Ogden Nash

Funny for the week: Here is today's Ad Free CleanLaugh.

Memo from Director General to Manager:

Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head:

Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles.
The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:

The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse. This is something that can not be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:

Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to staff:

Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director General disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.

Love chain of command………… not. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Jesus said that it is better for a man to have a millstone hung around his neck and be drowned than to cause what? A child to stumble. (Matt. 18:6)

This week’s question: Give the last name of each of the two disciples named Judas.

April 5, 2010

“Again I say unto you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.” Matthew 18:19

Occasionally I have to brag a little. Today’s devotion is one of those times. One of the things I love about my church is we have prayer meetings. Wait! I know other churches have meetings called that, but most of the time is spent in chatting, Bible study or other good things. But we call our Wednesday service a prayer meeting because we take time to share prayer request, prayer victories and then pray. We share request, victories and pray again on Saturday and Sunday nights and other groups meet on other days to share and pray together. We publish a sheet of paper each week listing the request and victories for people to take home and pray in their private times. Our church has been amazed how great this blessing has been. God never intended us to face life alone. When we share our needs with others they help us carry the load. When trouble comes the pressure is halved. When good times come the joy is doubled. If you are not involved in a prayer group, ask God to lead you to a spiritual prayer support group. Better yet, start one in your church! It’s Biblical!

Thought for the week: A man's silence is wonderful to listen to. -- Thomas Hardy

Funny for the week: from Cleanlaugh:

We live in a small town where we have a volunteer Ambulance Corp. We are blessed with many dedicated and fully qualified attendants, who staff our ambulances and give freely of themselves. I was chatting with one of the EMS responders one day and she could hardly stifle a chuckle, so I asked her what was so funny and she told me this story...

It seems that she had gone to an automobile accident and was checking a patient who was lying on the road for injuries. As she knelt beside him and probed him, she asked, "Does this hurt or does that hurt?" After each probe, he replied, "No." When she had nearly completed her examination, she shifted to a better spot from which to finish the examination when after one of her probing questions, he exclaimed very loudly, "That hurts!"

When she asked where, he looked up at her with a look of real pain on his face and said, "Your kneeling on my fingers!"

And she wasn’t even praying…………….. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Jesus told his disciples not to tell anyone about their vision of the Transfiguration until what had happened? He had risen from the dead. (Matt. 17:9)

This week’s question: Jesus said that it is better for a man to have a millstone hung around his neck and be drowned than to cause what?