April 25, 2011

"In God we boast all the day long, and praise his name forever." Psalm 44:8

Many years ago when I was young, ignorant and impulsive (ok, two out of three, alright?) Anyway, I used to love to test people without them knowing what I was doing. I would conclude prayer meeting and ask someone to lead in a specific prayer, such as a prayer of thanksgiving or a prayer of praise. It always amazed me how many times the person I called on would pray about and for everything except what I asked them to pray for. Especially when asked to pray a prayer of praise. How little we know of praise. Praise is simply bragging on someone. Not thanking or asking; just telling God how wonderful and awesome He is. Why would we want to do that? Because nothing gets a person or God's attention like bragging on them. And, since there is nothing greater than God, bragging on Him for who He is, is the greatest complement you can give Him. He loves for us to brag on Him and as we do a deep sense of gratitude settles in our hearts and the more we praise Him the more gratitude pushes out any complaining and selfishness we harbor. When self is finally gone, a quite confidence for the future arrives and we find ourselves bragging on Him even more. "Praise Him, Praise Him, all you little children..." After all, my Bible says that we will be praising and bragging on Him in Heaven for all eternity. Might as well get in practice now. Try it today. No thanks, no give-me, no memorized prayer. Just praise Him. Yes, this is a test!

Thought for the week: If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

Funny for the week: "Vow Changes"

Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library.

"You know," said Melba, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don't use the word 'obey' anymore."

"Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little humor to the occasion."

HA HA HA HA ....................Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: : In what town did Jesus deliberately not do many miracles? Nazareth (Matt. 13:58)

This weeks question: Why did Jacob flee from Canaan?

April 18, 2011

"Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved. But how are they to believe in one whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone to proclaim to them?" Romans 10:13-14

Our family likes to spend vacations at the beach. One of the things I always notice when we stay there is how much rust there is on anything metal. The hinges on the door of the bedroom we stayed in last time squeaked from rust every time we opened or shut it. Other hinges on doors outside had rusted shut and no longer worked. What do you do to rusty hinges? You put oil on them. Oil lubricates the hinges and allows them to turn again. What about people who have allowed sin, past hurts and pain to rust their hearts tightly closed? God wants them to open their heart and receive His love, but they are afraid to try and receive anyone's love. Sadly, their heart's door has been closed so long that even the hinges are rusted tight. Would you let God use your words to be like oil to minister to them? Show and tell them that God loves them, more than they could possibly imagine. God gave his Son for them. Show and tell them that God will forgive their past sins that He has a wonderful plan for their lives. Tell them that you are praying for them. As God uses your gentle words to minister to them, the Holy Spirit will open the door of their heart and you will have a new brother or sister in Christ.

Thoughts for the week: "Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." and two for the price of one "Anuther grate mind ruened bi thu educashin sistym."

Funny for the week: Augusta, GA　

Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Georgia, told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket...　　 When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.　

Outside on the sidewalk were four Marines collecting toys for the "Toys for Tots" program.　 Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the Marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back, the injury did not appear to be severe.

After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment. The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw...　　　　 injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.　

Simply fine……..Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: In what plains did Moses die? Moab (Deut. 34)

This weeks question: In what town did Jesus deliberately not do many miracles?

April 11, 2011

"Bless the Lord, O my soul,...bless his holy name. Who satisfies you with good as long as you live, so that your youth is renewed like the eagles." Psalm 103:1,5.

I don't know who coined the word, "nitpick", but they must have known a relative of mine. I bet you have one in your family or circle of friends. You may even have one in your church. Nothing and I mean nothing is ever fine. The soup was too cold. The vegetables were too hot. The dessert was too sweet. The room is too warm. The couch is too soft. The sermon was boring. The music was too modern. The birthday gift wasn't what I wanted. Gripe and complain about everything. Could it be that we do that to God? God sends us blessings and we think, "Yeah, that's nice but it would have been nicer if..." I wonder if God ever wonders if anything would satisfy us? If you are honest and find that you are doing that to Him, Stop and recognize God's blessings, then make yourself thank Him. Don't allow yourself to nitpick and try to improve upon God's goodness. Choose to act like a grateful child who is filled with the joy at the goodness of your Father.

Thought for the week: "The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it."

Funny for the week: "CD Sleeves"

My daughter Lili was five when she received a foam CD holder with plastic sleeves for all her music CDs. I explained to her that CDs are sensitive to light and heat, so she should not leave the holder in the sun.

During our home addition, the electrician was working in the backyard and Lili had gone to play in the sandbox, leaving her new CD holder on the patio table. My wife saw it and told Lili she was going to put it in the house.

Lili stood up in the sandbox and said, "Mommy, make sure you put it where the sun doesn't shine!"

The electrician took a break. (copied from you know where)

Please keep the family of Chaplain Harlow in your prayers. His mother, Frances passed away last night. Funeral will be Tuessday. Evans Funeral Services is in charge of the arrangements. You can contact Chaplain Harlow at

lou.harlow@gmail.com

Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How many years had a woman been bleeding that was healed by touching the hem of Jesus' garment? 12 (Matt. 9:20-22)

This weeks question: In what plains did Moses die?

April 4, 2011

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain, move from here to there, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you" Matthew 17:20

One of the things we dread in law enforcement is in service training. The thing we dread about in service training is the tests. We all play a game of trying to guess ahead of time what the instructor is going to ask on the test. Could it be that we do the same thing when we pray? I fear we often are guilty of trying to hedge our prayers with disclaimers. Ever prayed and then said, "It must not be God's will....I guess the time is not right...Maybe God doesn’t hear my prayers?" Listen, God never told us to try and decide what His will and timing is. God told us to pray with faith, expectantly, enthusiastically eager for our Father's answer. Start today by asking God to make you a man or woman of faith and mix your faithful praying with anticipating faith. Stop trying to guess what He is doing and really believe God has the power to answer your prayer. You'll be delighted with this potent combination of answer and timing.

Thought for the week: Today on the way to work, I thought I saw a headline that read "Beer Recall." It actually read "Beef Recall." The story explained the discovery of mad cow disease in the United States. Mad cow disease is a condition that causes wasting away of the brain, leading to dementia, loss of coordination, and death. Now, will somebody please explain to me why they're not recalling beer?
Funny for the week: "Australia Q & A"
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website: the answers were also there!
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?(UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come dressed in medieval costume.
8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come dressed in medieval costume.
11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia?
A: No, WE don't stink.
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
14. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
15. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
16. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
17. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by dressing in medieval costume before you go out walking.
18. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
19. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Aye Mate………….Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: On which of the 6 days of creation did God create the sun, moon and stars? Fourth (Gen. 1:14-19)
This weeks question: How many years had a woman been bleeding that was healed by touching the hem of Jesus garment?