May 30, 2011

"Ponder the path of your feet, then all your ways will be sure." Proverbs 4:26

Many decades ago a friend of mine and her husband were riding down the road in their car. She was driving and he was in the passenger seat. An opossum suddenly swaggered out into the road in front of her and she swerved to miss the ugly beast. Her car left the road, overturned and both of them were seriously injured. From that day on I began to condition myself and my wife to never swerve when driving. Grip the steering wheel, slow down, brake, but do not swerve. Many a person has been killed in head-on crashes when someone swerved to miss an animal in the road. Here's my point. Some of the worst decisions we have ever made in life occurred when we rushed into a choice and did not think about it. We never give God the chance to lead us and advise us. Thinking is spiritual! The Bible tells us to "Ponder" our paths. That means to consider well. Think! Pray and then consider the options, decisions and consequences and then apply the Bible. By doing this ahead of time, we will find ourselves in fewer positions that require us to make a snap decision. Then when the opossum staggers out in the road, if we have prepared ourselves mentally before hand, we will ruin his day and not the rest of our lives. Yes, God wants us to trust Him, but he also gave us brains and He wants us to use them too.

Thought for the week: Happy Birthday to Me !

　

Funny for the week: "Living Long"

My friend Ida was slowly recovering from a heart attack. "Doctor," she pleaded with her cardiologist, "you must keep me alive for the next two years. I want to attend my first grandchild's bar mitzvah."

"We'll try," he replied compassionately.

In due course Ida gratefully attended the festive rite of passage.

Some time later she again spoke to her doctor. "My granddaughter is to be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding."

"We'll do our best," he replied.

And my friend happily attended her granddaughter's wedding.

Ten years passed. Ida visited her cardiologist regularly and followed his instructions religiously. One morning she called him. "Doctor," she began, "I'm feeling fine, but I have another request to ask of you: Remember how you saw me through to my grandson's bar mitzvah?"

"Yes."

"And later how you helped me attend my granddaughter's wedding?"

"Yes."

"Well, as you know I've just celebrated my 80th birthday. And I just bought myself a new mattress."

"Yes?"

"It has a 20-year guarantee..."

Me thinks she thinks too much of her doctor……..Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What did Jesus say a man would not give his son when he asks for a fish? A serpent (Matt. 7:10)

This weeks question: Why did Jacob's sons kill every male of the Hivites?

May 23, 2011

"The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

A certain Lt. at the Lenoir Police Department once told me after he was assigned to the night shift that he had learned "I don't have to like it to do it. I’ve done it before and I can do it again." Wouldn’t it be nice if your chosen vocation was free from responsibilities that you really dislike? Sorry. That just doesn’t happen. There will always be parts that you really dread to do, would rather not do, but you have to do. Kind of like raising kids and cleaning fish. It helps me to remember in those times that God has placed me in this present circumstance and He knows the parts I like and the parts I don't like. But He has also promised to give me the power to discipline myself to face the days when I am tired, mildly irritated and looking at things that need to be done that I don't want to do. The interesting thing is that after I go ahead and finish those kinds of responsibilities there is a deep satisfaction settles over me. Isn’t it wonderful that we have a God who wants to help us with the jobs that "I don’t want to do, but I have to do?"

Thought for the week: "The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up."

Funny for the week: "Translation Tries"

A Latin American minister was touring the U.S. in an effort to boost financial support for missionaries and ministries in his home country.

At a church luncheon, he was telling the guests about this home country, his family, and the important work being supported there. As he concluded, he said, "And I have a charming and understanding wife but, alas, no children."

After a pause, he said, haltingly, "You see, my wife is unbearable."

Puzzled glances in the audience prompted him to try to clarify by saying: "What I mean is, my wife is inconceivable."

Observing the laughter in the audience, he realized his mistake, but floundered deeper into the intricacies of the English language by correcting triumphantly, "That is, my wife, she is impregnable!"

Like a lot of preachers, he missed a lot of good stopping places…….Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How many kings did the Israelites defeat in all to conquer Canaan - 12,18,31,43 , 31 (12 See the book of Joshua.)

This weeks question: What did Jesus say a man would not give his son when he asks for a fish?

May 16, 2011

"Serve the Lord with gladness..." Psalm 100:2

"Just who do you think you are? Don't you remember what you did? Why would anyone want to listen to you? You big hypocrites! Ever heard those whispered in your ear by an unseen accuser? Satan loves to whisper them to us. We love to replay past faults and failures and invent excuses to avoid present opportunity. It has been said that if God needs perfect people to do His work, then nothing would ever be done. Look back in scripture and you will see that he used prostitutes, murderers, quitters, traitors, adulterers, liars and thieves to accomplish His plans. Now, if he used them, what makes you think you are so bad that He can not use you? In fact I find in my study of scripture that He uses people who are painfully aware of their shortcomings and know they need God's forgiveness and strength to do His work. He can't use those who think they are perfect and all powerful. It is only when imperfect people go ahead and serve the Lord that He blesses our feeble efforts and we then know that He did it, and not us. And that my friend is what humility is all about.

Thought for the week: "Never have children, only grandchildren." ~ Gore Vidal

(or you might agree with this one)

"Parents of teenagers know why animals eat their young."

Funny for the week: LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES ... (READ THEM OUT LOUD)

That's not right. Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me ASAP. Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man. Dum Gai

Small Horse. Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table. Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift. Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here. Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet. Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone. No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week. Wai Yu Kum Nao

Staying out of sight. Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile. Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive.

Yu Stin Ki Pu

Du, I don git hit.........Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: In the parable of the sower, what four different places did the seeds fall? On the road, on stony places, among thorns, and on good soil (Matt. 13:38)

This weeks question: How many kings did the Israelites defeat in all to conquer Canaan - 12,18,31,43 ?

May 9, 2011

"As God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience." Colossians 3:12

Over the past few years we have heard a lot about compassion around our Police Department. One of the things I have stressed is that when you are around people who are hurting, you need to offer compassion and not clichés. Now I admit it is much easier to offer clichés. You are only sharing words. But when you offer compassion, you share part of your heart. Sometimes we who call ourselves Christians pride ourselves in how much we know, and we want to tell others. But hurting people want to know how much we care, not what we know. When they know you care, they will tentatively open their hearts and then you get the chance to share God's love with them. There are many ways we can imitate Christ, but I believe the most effective one is compassion.

Thought for the week: "Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference."

Funny for the week: "Top 10 Songs for People Over 50"

10. Lets Get a Physical

9. Ain't No Burrito Mild Enough

8. Johnny B. Olde

7. How Do You Mend a Broken Everything

6. The Lack O' Motion

5. Hair Potion Number Nine

4. Doctor My Eyes (And Ears and Joints and Back and...)

3. To All the Girls I've Disappointed Before

2. A Hard Day's Nap.

And the Number One Song for People Over 40...

1. Knock, Knock, Knocking on the Bathroom Door

Oh God, help me laugh cause ain=t it true......... Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who was the first redhead recorded in the Bible? Esau (Gen. 25:25)

This weeks question: In the parable of the sower, what four different places did the seeds fall?

May 2, 2011

"For now we see in a mirror and are baffled; but someday we are going to see Him in His completeness, face to face. As yet my knowledge is incomplete, but then I shall know in full, as I have been fully known." I Corinthians 13:12

My house is decorated with beautiful pictures my wife has cross-stitched. We even have a joint venture of a clock I built and she made the face for. Beautiful works of art that tell stories and preserve memories. But if you take one of these pictures down from the wall, turn it around and hang it back up, you will have a ugly mass of colors, twisted yarn and knots that are most often un-discernible. On one side her beautiful needlework crafted in skill and meticulous work. On the other side an unattractive, disjointed and rather ugly mess of strings. The problem is that we can only see the backside of our lives. We do not share in the Master Artist's vision of producing something beautiful. God does not always share with us His specifics of what He is doing in our lives. However, He does promise us that His will for us is perfect and beautiful. He will never give us second best. Many things will happen to us in our lives that on the surface appear to be ugly and confusing. Some things will happen in our lives that we will not understand at all. We may understand later and we may have to wait until we get to heaven. But be assured, just as my wife patiently wove the thread into the cloth to create a beautiful picture, your Father is working in the background, planning and implementing events that will make your life everything He wants it to be. Be patient looking at the back side for now. One day you will grace His home as a choice work of art, just like the pictures in my house.

　

Thought for the week: "Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet."

Funny for the week: "The Night Shift"

A man got a job as a night watchman at a factory. There had been a lot of thefts by the workers on the night shift, and so every morning when the night shift workers passed through his gate it was his job to check their bags and pockets to make sure that nothing was being stolen.

Things were going along very well the first night on the job until a man pushing a wheelbarrow of newspapers came through the gate. Aha, he thought, that man thinks he can cover up what he is stealing with that newspaper. So he removed the paper only to find nothing. Still he felt that the man was acting strangely, so he questioned him about the paper.

"I get a little extra money from newspapers I recycle, so I go into the lunchroom and pick up all the ones people have thrown away." The guard let him pass, but decided to keep a close eye on him. The next night it was the same, and the night after that. Week after week it went on. The same guy would push the wheelbarrow of newspapers past the guard's checkpoint. The guard would always check and find nothing.

Then one night, about a year later, the guard reported for work only to find a message had been left for him telling him to report to the supervisor. He walked into the supervisor's office and before he could say a word, the boss said, "You're fired!"

"Fired?" he asked in total surprise. "Why? What did I do?"

"It was your job to make sure that no one stole anything from this plant and you have failed. So you're fired."

"Wait a minute, what do you mean failed. Nobody ever stole anything from this place while I was on guard."

"Oh, really," the boss answered. "Then how do you account for the fact that there are 365 wheelbarrows missing?"

How often we miss the obvious.................... Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Why did Jacob flee from Canaan? Because Esau vowed to kill him. (Gen. 27:41-43)

This weeks question: Who was the first redhead recorded in the Bible?