January 31, 2011

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord; and he delights in his way." Psalm 37:23

The following article came to me via the internet and I have no idea who wrote it, but it is good and I wanted to share it with you.

"Sometimes we make such great plans, where we are going, how fast we want to get there, and the best friends we want to go with. Then the Lord sends us a DETOUR. We kick, scream, yell and screech trying to follow our plan. Then the Lord sends us a DETOUR. We have no idea what to expect, we panic, we connive and develop an alternate plan. We question His motives. Many great things the Lord wants to show you, but sometimes He has to take you off the path. He will send you on a DETOUR to meet a certain person. He will send you on a DETOUR to get a certain job. He will send you on a DETOUR to become a special person. He will send you on a DETOUR to separate you from the pack. DETOURS mean a change in direction, not denial. That unpleasant situation you are in may be a DETOUR. That horrible job that you can't stand may be a DETOUR. That city you are living in and you hate, may be a DETOUR. Failure at work or school may be a DETOUR. The good news is that when God puts you on a DETOUR, He always gets you back on the RIGHT path!" (In His way and in His time)

Thought for the week: "The opposite of doubt is not disbelief, it is disobedience." B B Tony Evans

Funny for the week: Cowboys and...

At a small airport terminal in Texas, three strangers awaiting their shuttle flight start conversing about the recent world events. The strangers were of varying cultures. One was Native American. Another was a cowboy from Texas. The other person was a fanatical Arab Muslim. During their conversation, they began to discuss their cultural history. The Native American stated "once my people were many, now we are few." The Muslim then chimed in and arrogantly said, "Once my people were few and now we are many." The Texas cowboy looked long and hard at the Muslim, shifted the toothpick in his mouth and said with a sly grin, "that's cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet."

　

Remember, theologically incorrect as usual.... Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Last weeks answer: What command of her husband did Queen Vashti refuse to obey? Her husband's command to show her crowned beauty. (Est.1:11-12)

This weeks question: What nation does the Bible prophesy will one day advance like a storm and cover Israel like a cloud?

January 31, 2011

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord; and he delights in his way." Psalm 37:23

The following article came to me via the internet and I have no idea who wrote it, but it is good and I wanted to share it with you.

"Sometimes we make such great plans, where we are going, how fast we want to get there, and the best friends we want to go with. Then the Lord sends us a DETOUR. We kick, scream, yell and screech trying to follow our plan. Then the Lord sends us a DETOUR. We have no idea what to expect, we panic, we connive and develop an alternate plan. We question His motives. Many great things the Lord wants to show you, but sometimes He has to take you off the path. He will send you on a DETOUR to meet a certain person. He will send you on a DETOUR to get a certain job. He will send you on a DETOUR to become a special person. He will send you on a DETOUR to separate you from the pack. DETOURS mean a change in direction, not denial. That unpleasant situation you are in may be a DETOUR. That horrible job that you can't stand may be a DETOUR. That city you are living in and you hate, may be a DETOUR. Failure at work or school may be a DETOUR. The good news is that when God puts you on a DETOUR, He always gets you back on the RIGHT path!" (In His way and in His time)

Thought for the week: "The opposite of doubt is not disbelief, it is disobedience." B B Tony Evans

Funny for the week: Cowboys and...

At a small airport terminal in Texas, three strangers awaiting their shuttle flight start conversing about the recent world events. The strangers were of varying cultures. One was Native American. Another was a cowboy from Texas. The other person was a fanatical Arab Muslim. During their conversation, they began to discuss their cultural history. The Native American stated "once my people were many, now we are few." The Muslim then chimed in and arrogantly said, "Once my people were few and now we are many." The Texas cowboy looked long and hard at the Muslim, shifted the toothpick in his mouth and said with a sly grin, "that's cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet."

　

Remember, theologically incorrect as usual.... Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Last weeks answer: What command of her husband did Queen Vashti refuse to obey? Her husband's command to show her crowned beauty. (Est.1:11-12)

This weeks question: What nation does the Bible prophesy will one day advance like a storm and cover Israel like a cloud?

January 24, 2011

"How happy is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is pardoned! Happy indeed is the one to whom the Lord does not ascribe guilt!" Psalm 32:1-2

I like what Steve Brown once said, "You do not understand something until you can illustrate it so someone else can understand it." This is especially true of spiritual truths. It is strange how many people can know something and not really know something. Take forgiveness for example. We all know God forgives, right? But has this truth ever sunk into your heart? Everyone reading this devotion would have to admit they have done something they are ashamed of. I have, you have, we all have. Intellectually, you know that you have been forgiven. But has it sunk into your heart? Have you ever been overwhelmed with the fact that God has totally cleansed you from your past sins? That, in His eyes you are as spiritually clean as if you had never sinned? It's nice to intellectually know you are forgiven. But when this truth sinks into your heart, it then becomes a life changing blessing that results in you loving the Lord. If you can illustrate this kind of forgiveness so someone else can understand it, send the illustration to me. I would love to share it with others. Thank you in advance for sharing.

Thought for the week: Nothing valuable can be lost by taking time. -- Abraham Lincoln

Funny for the week: "Embalming Fluid"

Undertakers Mal and Mel were storing embalming fluid.

It was considered appropriate to place it in an area out of sight. Mel had his share stored promptly but there was still a good portion left for Mal to take care of.

When asked why he had not just stored it all, Mel said, "The rest is for Mal to hide."

I just luv puns……………. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: : How did the Israelites in Egypt avoid the tenth plague? They put blood of a lamb on their doors. (Ex. 12)

This weeks question: What command of her husband did Queen Vashti refuse to obey?

January 17, 2011

"Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith..." 1 Peter 5:8-9

I have been studying about the warfare we as Christians face. There are several facts I would like for you to know. 1. The battle is won and lost in the mind. 2. You can not fight something you can not see, feel, touch or understand. 3. Satan is a cruel warrior who plays despicably dirty. 4. Only Jesus Christ can defeat the enemy for you. Forewarned is Forearmed. Become aware of the tricks from your spiritual enemy and pray when you have spiritual vulnerable times. He is most vicious when your are most vulnerable, so spend time with the Lord before you face the trials. Cry out to the only one who can fight the spiritual battles for you. The one who has already defeated him once and for all is the only one who has the authority to rebuke him now. Resist Satan and Jesus Christ will make sure he will flee. Submit to him, and he will devour you.

Thought for the week: When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece. -- John Ruskin

　

Funny for the week: "Murphy's Laws of Law Enforcement"

To err is human, just do it in front of as few people as possible!

Anyone that flirts with you on-duty won't even recognize you off-duty.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

If your raid is going well, you're at the wrong house.

The one time you cuss on the radio, your Chief will be listening.

Anything that you do can get you shot - including doing nothing!

You will be decorated for stupidity, and busted for brilliant work.

Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never respond to a "domestic" with anyone braver than you.

No one's idea is a good idea until it becomes the Chief's idea.

New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy.

You will never get the urge to use the bathroom until you have left the station.

Surprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot pursuit through mud.

The Mayor will get a traffic ticket the day before your department negotiates for a salary increase.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the harder they punch, kick and choke.

Never search a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boom-Boom".

Pens never leak onto old uniform shirts.

To err is human, to forgive is against department policy.

Shatterproof flashlights seldom are.

If you park your patrol car in the exact center of the Gobi desert, within 5 minutes someone will pull up and ask for directions.

Glow in the dark sights are just as visible to you as they are to the crook hiding behind you.

Wearing white socks makes boot zippers break.

Coffee jitters will never bother you until firearm qualification day.

Flashlight batteries never die in the daylight hours.

Your mouthiest traffic violator will be related to the sheriff.

If the crooks are within pistol range, so are you.

The speed with which you respond to a fight in progress is inversely proportional to how long you have been an officer.

Perfect 10's only show up to talk when you are busy.

Bullet proof vests might be.

Old squad cars never die, they just smell that way.

How true, how true………. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Complete the following verse: "As a dog returneth to his vomit, so...""a fool returneth to his folly." (Prov. 26:11)

This weeks question: How did the Israelites in Egypt avoid the tenth plague?

January 10, 2011

"Why am I so sad? Why am I so troubled? I will put my hope in God, and once again I will praise Him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:11

I finally found a good use for Kudzu. It reminds me of the attitudes many people have. Kudzu attitudes are attitudes that if left unchecked will rapidly grow and grow and grow until they cover and blot out everything good and beautiful, choking it to death in its tendrils and shade. There are three attitudes that I would list under Kudzu attitudes. Worry, self-pity and bitterness. Give ground to any of these three and soon you will find yourself defeated and miserable. There is only one thing that can "Round-up" these attitudes and kill them to the roots before they destroy your spirit, and that is Jesus Christ. Only when you allow Him to replace wrong attitudes with godly ones will victory come. Spiritual battles are won or lost in the mind and only Christ has the power to tear down the strongholds Satan puts there. Read the verse above again and notice how David replaces the Kudzu attitudes with correct ones. Hope in God and praise your Savior. Kudzu or daisies? What are you cultivating today?

Thought for the week: To work is to pray. -- Latin Proverb

Funny for the week: "Famous Last Words"

*Ha! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...

*Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.

*What happens if you touch these two wires tog-

*We won't need reservations.

*It's always sunny there this time of the year.

*They'd never make him a manager.

*Gimmee a match. I think my gas tank is empty.

*Let's see if it's loaded.

*Step on her, boy, we're only going 75.

*Just watch me dive from that bridge.

*If you knew anything, you wouldn't be a traffic cop.

*What? Your mother is going to stay another month?

*Say, who's boss of this joint, anyhow?

*Luke, I lied. Bill Shatner is your real father. --Darth Vader

*Don't worry about the Rover. That's no cliff. --NASA techie

　

I'll get it done tomorrow........Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Last weeks answer: What is the meaning of the word "anthropomorphism"? Applying human attributes to God.

This weeks question: Complete the following verse: "As a dog returneth to his vomit, so..."

January 3, 2011

"The Father himself loves you, because you have loved me and have believed that I have come from God." John 16:27

Have you ever wondered why they call them, "MAN's best friend?" May I give you an inside hint as to why that saying is true? I get up, take a cold shower because all the hot water is gone, skip breakfast because there is no milk, fight the traffic to get the kids to school, arrive at work late only to find mass confusion and impossible tasks to be performed. I do four things right and one wrong and focus is put on that one wrong, and Satan jumps in and tells me "You don't measure up, you're a failure!" I drag home late, walk in the door and into my arms leaps a wiggling bundle of fur with a tail going 90 miles a hour. He licks my face and neck and thinks the whole world is just for me. He is so excited to see me that sometimes he even wets. Talk about being loved and accepted, sweat and all! No woman could ever understand that feeling! Only a man can bond with that kind of acceptance. Sometimes we transfer our inferior feelings to God. We end up disheartened, doubting God's love for us. The Bible tells us it is impossible for God to love you more than He does right now! He doesn't love you because of what you have done. He just loves you...constantly. He is crazy about you! Now that's the kind of friends I need!

Thought for the week: Habits are like supervisors that you don't notice. -- Hannes Messemer

Funny for the week: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...(especially when you share the same major!)

PSYCHOLOGY: Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother.

SOCIOLOGY: Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship.

ARCHAEOLOGY: One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up.

THEATRE: "OH! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!"

PHYSICS: Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down.

JOURNALISM: "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..."

WOMEN'S STUDIES: "HE did it!"

BUSINESS: Both decide that they're spending way too much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single.

HISTORY: Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past.

GEOGRAPHY: Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other. ECONOMICS: One party demands more than the other can supply.

So, why did they break up? I'm confused... Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer:

17. Where do we find the Christmas story in order to check up on all these ridiculous questions?

a. Matthew

b. Mark

c. Luke

d. John

e. All of the above

f. Only a and b

g. Only a and c Mark begins with The Word and John the Baptist

h. Only a, b, and c

i. Only x, y, and z

j. Aesops Fables

This week’s question: What is the meaning of the word Aanthropomorphism.