November 24, 2008

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him..." Psalm 37:7

"Lord, I want patience and I want it right NOW!" Ever prayed that prayer? We have been called the "Microwave Generation." We are so busy and used to having everything from our food to our news delivered fast that we have lost the ability to wait. I preach to myself on this one. I am reminded that I got an ulcer waiting on our first child to be born. She refused to hurry up. As a teen we still had to wait on her. To this day she refuses to hurry up. However, the Lord knows that I can only grow if I have periods of waiting. Waiting strengthens my faith. If every prayer was answered instantly, I would never learn to trust. Waiting gives me time to fix the things in my life that enable me to receive the answer when He sends it. If I go ahead and try to "fix" the problem and fail as I always will, it assures me that when the answer does come that my Father did this, not me and He gets the credit. When we wait on God, in His time and in His way, He will do more in 10 minutes than we can do in a life time. When it comes to blessings, I would rather wait two years for two million dollars than wait two days for two dollars. Take it from one who hates to wait; Wait on the Lord, He will not let you down, ever! You will NEVER be disappointed when you wait on Him.

Thought for the week: Real Mothers know that a child’s growth is not measured by height or years or grade...It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mama to Mom to Mother...

Funny for the week:

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.

"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"

"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked.

"That's the one!"

"That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?"

"Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye guide dog bit me."

Remember those pastel polyester leisure suits?????? Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How many books of the Bible begin with the letter "E"? 6 (Ecclesiastes, Ephesians, Ester, Exodus, Ezekiel and Ezra)

This week’s question: Which is the only miracle of Jesus recorded in all four gospels?

November 17, 2008

"Ask, and it will be given unto you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

One of the traits you often find in police officers is cynicism. That state of mind where you come to never completely believe anyone. Officers are lied to so many times that even when someone tells the truth, they often do not believe them. They build a wall of suspicion, repeating the mantra to themselves that "I'll believe it when a hot place freezes over". (actually they use different words to say that) While this mind set is common and even expected from officers in their work with people, it brings disaster in our walk with God. The reason is that we transfer our suspicions to Him and begin to think thoughts such as, "Does He really love me? Does he really care? Can I really trust Him?" God is aware how tough it is for you to trust Him. He knows all of the times when people have lied to you. But He does want you to learn to trust Him. He wants to show you how much He loves you. If you find yourself being suspicious of God and his promises, find time today to talk to him. Say something like this: "Father, it's hard for me to believe anyone about anything anymore. Help me to trust your Word and your promises. Send me a token today that you really care for me. Help me to learn to trust you even when I can not trust anyone around me." Amen

Thought for the week: Remember every good-looking, sweet, single male is someone else's ex-boyfriend (or ex husband)!

Funny for the week: Math Quiz

Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol. The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it. "I teach math there," I explained.

The trooper smiled, and said, "Okay, here's a problem. A teacher is speeding down the highway at 16 M.P.H. over the limit. At $12 for every mile, plus $40 court costs, plus the rise in her insurance, what's her total cost?"

I replied, "Taking that total, subtracting the low salary I receive, multiplying by the number of kids who hate math, then adding to that the fact that none of us would be anywhere without teachers, I'd say zero." He handed me back my license. 

"Math was never my favorite subject," he admitted. "Please slow down."

I didn’t like math either…………….. Chaplain Barnes

PS: Thanks to Pastor Mike for mailing the MMM the last two weeks while I was away on a mission trip.

Last week’s answer: Name the only full brother of Joseph, ruler of Egypt. Benjamin (Gen 35:24)

This week’s question: How many books of the Bible begin with the letter "E"?

November 10, 2008

"Let me hear of your steadfast love in the morning, for in you I put my trust...For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life. In your righteousness bring me out of trouble." Psalm 143:8,11

Several months ago, (as I write this devotional) I heard this verse over WMIT Black Mountain. I got my Bible out and looked it up. What a challenge! The Lord rarely gives you His strength before you face a tough journey in life. He gives His strength and help when you need it. I am reminded of the story Corrie ten Boom tells. When she and her dad were going on a train ride, he would not give her ticket to her until she stepped on the train and needed to hand it to the conductor. It was there all along in his pocket, waiting until the exact moment she needed it. God is like that. Instead of stewing and being rattled and shaken, dreading the path you will have to walk, remember that God has a message for you. He has promised to give you the grace you need to go through whatever you are facing and he will give it to you at the exact moment you step out and take the first step on your journey. I was facing a real tough obstacle that week and God came through. He gave me peace and when the moment of testing came, He brought me through. God is Faithful!

 

Thought for the week: "Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

Funny for the week: "Ethical Question"

"Would it be ethical to dig up the remains of the USA founding fathers, create clones from the bone cells, and place them in a theme park called Clonial Williamsburg?"

Ok – Ok, here is another one to take the curb off that one……..

Judge: I know you, don't I?

Defendant: Uh, yes.

Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you?

Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?

Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.

Defendant: Okay, I was your bookie.

Ouch………….. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: To what race did the woman who met Jesus at the well belong? Samaritans (John 4:6-7)

This week’s question: Name the only full brother of Joseph, ruler of Egypt.

November 3, 2008

"The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, to avoid the snares of death." Proverbs 14:27

DON'T DO IT!!! Someone reading this right now is about to willingly choose to enter into a wrong relationship or action. You remind me of a large picture a friend of mine told me about. It was the Grim Reaper placed on a sign which read, "An Easy Place To Die!" He said it was placed there by the authorities of Virginia Beach, at a particular spot where riptides were frequent and intense. According to the sign, 17 people had drowned there. To his amazement, 3 people had waded out there to fish, almost within 5 feet of the sign! As he said to me, "In the south we call this 'born ignorant and suffered a relapse!'" The Bible like that sign has some warnings about life that will benefit you by heeding. It's not that someone wants to cramp your style, it is just that there is a history here. Many people have gone ahead, ignored the warnings, and their life's hopes and dreams have been dashed and ruined. God is not trying to thwart you, or keep enjoyable things from you. It is just that He loves you so much that He doesn't want you to needlessly suffer bad consequences from ignoring His warnings. Please, Don't Go There!

Thought for the week: "Love is insanity with a collaborator."

Funny for the week: "Operator, I put in a quarter and didn’t get my number. The phone has kept my coin."

"Sir," she said, "if you give me your name and address, we’ll mail the coin to you."

I was appalled. "Operator," I said, "I think I can now understand the reason behind the difficulties of AT&T. You’re going to take the time and trouble to write down my name on a card and then you are probably going to give it to the person in charge of such matters. He will go to the cash register, punch it open, and take out a quarter, at the same time recording the reason for the cash withdrawal. Then he will take a slotted cardboard to hold the coin so it will not flop around in the envelope. Then he, or someone else, will place the card into an envelope, taking the time to write my name and address on it. Then the envelope will be sealed and have a first class stamp pasted on it. All that time and expense just to return a quarter. Now, Operator, why don’t you just return my coin and let’s be friends."

"Sir," she repeated in a flat voice, "if you give me your name and address, we will mail you the refund." Then, almost by way of afterthought, she said, "Sir, did you remember to press the coin return plunger?"

To tell the truth, I had overlooked this activity. I pressed the plunger. To my great surprise, it worked. But I think this phone had been constipated, as a river of coins began to spew out. There were so many I had to use my hat to collect them all.

Hearing all the noise, "Sir," said the Operator, "What is happening?"

"I told her that the phone return mechanism had malfunctioned, and I now had about four dollars in coins from the box."

"Sir," she said, "will you please put the coins back in the box."

"Operator," I said, "If you give me your name and address, I will be glad to mail you the coins."

Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul, ,by Norman Cousins, arr.

Better yet, call the PO-lice…………Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Which book in the Bible has the longest word in it? Isaiah 8:3 (Maher-shalal- has-baz)

This week’s question: To what race did the woman who met Jesus at the well belong?