December 28, 2009

Concerning December 25th

Twas' the night Jesus came and all through the house,

not a person was praying, not one in the house..

The Bible was left on the shelf without care,

for no one thought Jesus would come there..

The children were dressing to crawl into bed,

not once ever kneeling or bowing their head..

And Mom in the rocking chair with babe on her lap,

was watching the Late Show as I took a nap..

When out of the east there rose such a clatter,

I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter..

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

tore open the shutters and lifted the sash..

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

but Angels proclaiming that Jesus was here..

The light of His face made me cover my head...

was Jesus returning just like He'd said..

And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth,

I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself..

In the Book of Life which he held in his hand,

was written the name of every saved man..

He spoke not a word as he searched for my name,

He said "it's not here" My head hung in shame..

The people whose names had been written with love,

He gathered to take to his Father above..

With those who were ready He rose without sound,

while all of the others were left standing around...

I fell to my knees but it was too late,

I'd waited too long and thus sealed my fate.

I stood and I cried as they rose out of sight,

Oh, if only I'd known that this was the night....

In the words of this poem the meaning is clear

the coming of Jesus is now drawing near...

There's only one life and when comes the last call,

We'll find out that the Bible was true after all..

Thought for the week: Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
-- Jerry Seinfeld

Funny for the week: Thanks to Larry Clott for today's CleanLaugh.

CHOCOLATE CHRISTMAS

'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips

Were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.

Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care

In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.

While Mama in her girdle and I in chinstraps

Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.

When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,

Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.

The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow

Sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.

When what to my wandering eyes should appear:

A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!

That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick

I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.

The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer

I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;

On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS

A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.

From the top of the scales to the top of the hall

Now dash away pounds now dash away all.

Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress

My clothes were all bulging from too much excess.

My droll little mouth and my round little belly,

They shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

I spoke not a word but went straight to my work

Ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.

And laying a finger beside my heartburn

Gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.

I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry—

If temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.

And I mumbled again as I turned for the night In the morning

I'll starve... 'til I take that first bite!

Whar’s the Maylox?................Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How many generations were there from Abraham to Jacob? Fifty (Rev. 16:10)

This week’s question: Who transported the letters of Paul to Philemon?

December 21, 2009

"And she gave birth to her first-born son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." Luke 2:7

"So this is He. Immanuel. So this is God's gift. A Savior. He shall save His people from their sins. 'Worthy is the Lamb.' I (Gabriel) whispered, as I knelt before my God. My heart was full. I turned to Mary as she cradled her child and I spoke. It didn't matter that she couldn't hear me. The stars could. All of nature could. And most of all, my King could.

'Do you know who you hold, Mary? You secure the Author of grace. He who is ageless is now moments old. He who is limitless is now suckling your milk. He who strides upon the stars, now has legs too weak to walk; the hands which held the oceans are now an infant's fist. To Him who has never asked a question, you will teach the name of the wind. The Source of language will learn words from you. He who has never stumbled, you will carry. He who has never hungered, you will feed. The King of creation is in your arms.'

'What manner of love is this?' Michael whispered, and again we were covered with silence. A blanket of awe. Finally, Michael again opened his mouth, this time to sing. He began quietly, pausing between the words.

'Glory,

glory,

glory to God in the highest'=

One by one we joined.

'Glory, glory, glory to God in the highest.'

Gradually the chorus grew louder and faster; 'Glory, glory to God in the highest. Glory, glory to God in the highest. Glory, glory to God in the highest.'

Our praise rose into the realms of the universe. In the most distant galaxy the dust on the oldest star danced with our praise. In the depths of the ocean, the water rippled with adoration. The tiniest microbe turned, the mightiest constellation spun, all of nature joined with us as we worshiped Immanuel, the God who had become flesh."

Cosmic Christmas by Max Lucado pages 95-97

Thought for the week: 'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. -- Abraham Lincoln, (attributed)

Funny for the week: Here is today's CleanLaugh.

Top 10 things to say about a holiday gift you don't like:

10) Hey! There's a gift.

9.) Well, well, well...

8.) Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes, that would've fit.

7.) Perfect for wearing in the basement.

6.) Wow, I hope this never catches fire!

5.) If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!

4.) I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3.) Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.

2.) To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

1.) I really don't deserve this.

Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Whose life was spared twice by David? Saul’s (1 Sam. 24:26)

This week’s question: How many generations were there from Abraham to Jacob?

December 14, 2009

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows. When His mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child by the Holy Spirit.@ Matthew 1:18

(Having just fought off Satan's attempt to keep him from reaching Mary, Gabriel breaks out in praise.)

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty! AKing of kings and Lord of Lords! As the Father received our praise, He whispered to me. I heard Him as if at my side. Go, Gabriel: go tell Mary. On a wave of worship I flew, this time alone. I circled through the clouds and over the ground. Below me was the city where Mary was born. The Father was right; I knew her in an instant. Her heart had no shadow. Her soul was as pure as any I've seen. I made the final descent. Mary. I kept my voice low as not to startle her. She turned but saw nothing. Then I realized I was invisible to her. I waved my wings before my body and incarnated. She covered her face at the Light and shrank into the protection of the doorway. Don't be afraid, I urged. The minute I spoke, she looked up toward the sky. Again I was amazed. I praised my Father for His wisdom. Her heart is so flawless, so willing. Greetings. God be with you. Her eyes widened, and she turned as if to run. Mary, you have nothing to fear. You have found favor with God. You will become pregnant and give birth to a son and call His name Jesus. He will be great. He will be called the Son of the Highest. The Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David; He will rule Jacob's house forever - no end, ever, to His kingdom.@ Though she was listening, she was puzzled. But how? I've never slept with a man. Before I spoke I looked up into the heavens. The Father was standing, giving me His blessing. I continued, The Holy Spirit will come upon you, the power of the highest hover over you; therefore, the child you bring to birth will be called Holy, Son of God. Nothing, you see, is impossible with God. Mary looked at me then up into the sky. For a long time she gazed into the blueness, So long that I, too looked up. Did she see angels? Did the heavens open? I do not know. But I do know when I looked back at her, she was smiling. Yes, I see it all now: I'm the Lord's maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say. As she spoke, a Light appeared in her womb. I glanced at the vile. It was empty.

(Taken from ACosmic Christmas@ By Max Lucado, p62-66 Word Publishing)

Thought for the week: Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.
-- Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892, Act III

Funny for the week: How we celebrate Christmas:

As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each of her
students celebrated Christmas. She called on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?" she asked.

Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."

"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?"

"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing "What a friend we have in Jesus". Then we all go to the Bahamas

What is your reason for the Season?.........Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Which book in the Bible contains the following quotation: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the Heaven”? Ecclesiastes 3:1

This week’s question: Whose life was spared twice by David?

December 7, 2009

As we reflect on Christmas and what God did for us so long ago, we need to remember what is he doing for us now. Below is a piece by Tom Norvell that I think will be good to approach the Christmas season on. Hope you can say the same.

“What Has God Done?”

“I want to borrow one sentence from David's 66th Psalm, "Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me" (vs.16).

He has shown me that dreams do come true and prayers are answered.

He has shown me that there is always hope, even in the most hopeless situations.

He has shown me that there is joy in being at home with my family.

He has shown me that people are longing for a living relationship with Jesus Christ.

He has shown me that whether your team wins or loses life goes on and life is good.

He has shown me that beauty is found in my wife, in my children, in my friends, and in

the ordinary events of a day.

He has shown me that interruptions often lead to the most rewarding events of the day.

He has shown me that days filled with sunshine, warm air, and blue skies are gifts from

the Lord.

He has shown me that days filled with dark clouds, cold air and rain are gifts from the

Lord.

He has shown me that marriage is proof that God was thinking of me when He created

the World.

He has shown me that children are sometimes the wisest people on earth.

He has shown me that words can encourage or words can discourage, and that words

that encourage are better.

He has shown me that the change of the season's remind us of life is always changing

and God is always active.

He has shown me that the ocean can soothe the soul and refresh a weary spirit.

He has shown me that mountains are a place of reflection, meditation, and renewal.

He has shown me that He wants to have a relationship with me, and that He wants my

life to full and abundant.

He has shown me that a full and abundant life is possible when I spend time reflecting

on the things that God has shown me. What has God done for you?”

Words by Tom Norvell
(c) Copyright 2005 All Rights Reserved.

Thought for the week: A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.
-- Katharine Whitehorn

Funny for the week: Santa Puns

What do they call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace? Krisp Kringle Who sings "Love Me Tender," and makes Christmas toys? Santa's little Elvis Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? "Rude"olph What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed? A cookie sheet What reindeer has the cleanest antlers? Comet What is the cow's holiday greeting? Mooooory Christmas Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch? Deery Queen What does Santa say when he is sick? OH OH NO! How does Santa Claus take pictures? With his North Pole-aroid. What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney? Santa Claus-trophbia What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? Sandy Claus

I feel your pain……………. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who baptized Simon the sorcerer? Philip (Acts 8:12-13)

This week’s question: Which book in the Bible contains the following quotation: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the Heaven”?

November 30, 2009

Instead of a scripture and thought this week, join me in a prayer to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ;

Lord Jesus, next month we will open presents, share gifts and celebrate your birthday. How many will revel in the moment never knowing you, the one we are celebrating? How many will praise Santa for their gifts and never mention your name at all? How many will curse the light because it exposes their debauchery from the night before? Many, I am sure, will willingly choose to avoid any mention of you as they celebrate. And yet, you are there. You smile with the child who opens a shoe box full of treasures. You hug the now single one who weeps a tear because the one they spent last Christmas with is not present now. You fill the hearts of those who listen to the laughter of a child playing with a new toy. You hold the one who's heart longs for the one they love who is away in a foreign war torn land. It's your birthday, and yet you are the one giving the gifts. Nothing we have can compare to what you give, and yet we want to give something to show our love. Something to say "Thank you for loving me." Lord Jesus, I offer to you the only gift I can give you this Christmas; myself. May I become a gift in your hand to those you love. Let the meditation of my heart and the words of my mouth be acceptable in your sight. Happy Birthday Jesus! Amen.

Thought for the week: I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-- Galileo Galilei

Funny for the week: Household Duties

One rainy morning, my mother went for her daily run. As she returned to the house, she slipped and fell, hitting her head on the driveway.

I called the paramedics. When they arrived, they asked my mom some questions to determine her coherency. "What is today?" inquired one man.

Without hesitation, Mom replied, "Trash day."
-- Jaime Swart

Sounds like my late mother-in-law……… Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What is Omega? The last letter of the Greek alphabet

This week’s question: Who baptized Simon the sorcerer?

November 23, 2009

"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD." (Proverbs 18:22)

It was their golden anniversary party. The husband struggled to put his feelings for his wife into words. Since age had diminished her hearing, she often misunderstood what he tried to say. Surrounded by friends and family, the loving husband rose to offer a loving tribute. His voice heavy with emotion, he declared, "My dear wife, after 50 years I've found you tried and true!" Everyone smiled. The wife said, "What?" He repeated himself a bit louder: "After 50 years, I've found you tried and true!" His wife nodded briefly and responded, "Well, let me tell you something, after 50 years, I'm tired of you, too!" So you think you know your mate? After a few years of marriage, you know what kind of movies they like. You can predict with infallible regularity what they likely will order at a favorite restaurant. You may even know the size and color preference of their clothing. Yawn! You've been there, done that. Is there no mystery left? Consider these questions: What is your mates fondest daydream? What is their most terrible fear? What is their most significant goal for their life five years from now? If you want to practice loving your mate, get to know them better. TALK! Don't ask the questions, however, if you aren't willing to listen and act on what you discover. Love learns, then does. Turn off the television tonight and talk to your mate.

Thought for the week: A Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.@

Thought for the week: Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own. -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Funny for the week: I was telling my three boys the story of the Nativity and how the Wise Men brought gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh for the infant Jesus. Clearly giving it a lot of thought, my six-year-old observed, "Mom, a Wise Woman would have brought diapers." -- Angie Flaute

Bet they would be disposable too…………. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who was the first farmer recorded in the Bible as becoming drunk? Noah (Gen. 9:21)

This week’s question: What is Omega?

November 16, 2009

"Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." (Isaiah 40:31)

We don't have many eagles around here. Mostly what we see soaring are buzzards. But soar they do. They catch a thermal and up- up - up they go! I used to think that must be such fun until I took the controls of a glider and made my first and only free flight in a glider. Around and around I went seeking a thermal and around and around my stomach went with it. Soon I decided I best put it down or I was going to put it out. Have you ever wished you could be lifted up above the problems and junk that weigh you down? That you could soar above it and not be stained by it. There is only one thermal with the strength to lift you that high and it is Jesus Christ. But He will not be bought. You must wait patiently. In his time and his time only you will find the lift you seek, and it won't be found going around and around.

Thought for the week: People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
-- Ogden Nash

Funny for the week: Automatically Inappropriate
Most businesses like that our credit card machines automatically print "Thank you, please come again" at the bottom of receipts. One guy called to ask if I could take it off.

"Sure," I said. "But do you mind my asking why?"

"It just seems inappropriate," he answered. "We're a funeral home."
-- Michelle Ballard

Yelp, he’s the last one to let you down………….. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: What will occur when people are saying, “Peace and Safety”?

The second coming of Jesus (1 Thess. 5:3)

This week’s question: Who was the first farmer recorded in the Bible as becoming drunk?

November 9, 2009

"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; making the most of every opportunity. (Colossians 4:5)

Five year old Bobby was adjusting to the life of a kindergartner. In the middle of the afternoon the teacher announced to the boys and girls that it was snack time. "Who brought the snack today?" she asked. Silence followed. The teacher checked her list and found Bobby's name. "Bobby, did you bring the snack?"

"Yes Ma'am." he replied.

"Good, Bobby. What did you bring?"

"Popsicles!"

The teacher asked, "And where are your popsicles, Bobby?" The smiling youngster replied, "In my backpack in the closet!"

Time has an unfortunate habit of melting away. The brevity of this life demands that we treat every day as a gift from God, and every moment as an opportunity to serve Him. The work place is one of the best arenas for modeling Christ-likeness. Paul said, "be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity." Be a wise person today. Pray that God would cause you to be frugal with your time today.

Thought for the week: The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
-- E. E. Cummings

Funny for the week: No Labor Required

When my friend got a job, her husband agreed to share the housework. He was stunned by the amount of effort involved in keeping a house clean with small boys to pick up after, and insisted that he and his wife shop for a new vacuum cleaner.

The salesman gave them a demonstration of the latest model. "It comes equipped with all the newest features," he assured them.

The husband was not convinced. "Don't you have a riding one?" he asked
-- Pat Montgomery

Pretty good idea don’t-cha think?.......Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Hearing of his wisdom, who visited Solomon? The Queen of Sheba (1 Kings 10:13)

This week’s question: What will occur when people are saying, “Peace and Safety”?