Saturday, October 31, 2009

November 2, 2009

"...He is a shield to those who walk in integrity." (Proverbs 2:7)

It has been said, 'Reputation is what other people think about you. Character is what you are when you are alone and no one is watching." In ancient times, a soldier carried a large shield to protect himself from the arrows of the enemy. Today's police badge is a carry down reminder of those days and those protective shields. While it will no longer protect you very well physically, it can remind you that integrity and character will protect you from attacks and accusations. You never get a second chance to make a good first impression. Character and reputation take a lifetime to build and maintain; and only minutes to loose. Is your shield up today? Proverbs tells us that God will be a shield to a man or woman when that person walks in integrity. Now there is a shield you can count on.

Thought for the week: Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. -- Mickey Mouse

Funny for the week: Concerned Owner

The 6 a.m. regulars at the dog run are, not surprisingly, a pet-oriented group. Recently John started discussing his trip. "The flight was awful! We were delayed for a few hours, and when we finally boarded, the baby behind me didn't stop crying for the whole flight."

Another dog run regular turned to him in surprise: "What did the owner do?"

Talk about going to the dogs………. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who in the Bible said, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me”? Paul (Phil. 4:13)

This week’s question: Hearing of his wisdom, who visited Solomon?

Monday, October 26, 2009

October 26, 2009

"Each one of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others." (Phillipians 2:4)

In the days before cars, there was a wagon driver who could afford only one mule. He loved the mule, who answered to the name of Jim. One day the driver was helping his passengers load up. Finally each of them had a seat, and the driver cracked his whip and called out, "Giddy up Jim! Giddy up, Laverne! Giddy up, Ed! Giddy up, Huey! Giddy up, Otis!"

The old wagon lurched forward and one of the passengers leaned forward and asked the driver: "Since Jim is the only mule you've got, why did you call out all those names?"

The driver replied, "If Jim knew he was the only one pulling, he'd never budge an inch."

Teamwork. Discover the magic of a simple question: "Is there something I can do to help?" Surprise a co-worker today by doing something to build him or her up. It's not only Biblical, it’s nice.

Thought for the week: Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
-- Kin Hubbard

Funny for the week: Usual Suspect

While prosecuting a robbery case, I conducted an interview with the arresting officer. My first question: "Did you see the defendant at the scene?"

"Yes, from a block away," the officer answered.

"Was the area well lit?"

"No. It was pretty dark."

"Then how could you identify the defendant?" I asked, concerned.

Looking at me as if I were nuts, he answered, "I'd recognize my cousin anywhere."
-- Morrison Lewis, Jr.

Every family has one…..or should……Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How many books in the Bible start with the letter G? 2 (Genesis and Galatians)

This week’s question: Who in the Bible said, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me”?

Sunday, October 18, 2009

October 19, 2009

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)


Do you remember Hyw 90 between Lenoir and Statesville several years ago? It was crooked and twisting. We only took it when we wanted to go to Taylorsville. Then the state straightened and widened it and now multitudes of people use it as a short cut from Lenoir to I-40 East. Sometimes our lives are twisted and crooked with problems, confusion, indecision and consequences of bad choices we have made. Have you ever thought how nice it would be if someone would just straighten up the mess? Directions are given in the verse above. If you care, you are half way there.

Thought for the week: In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death.
-- Joan D. Vinge, Catspaw

Funny for the week: Jokes give way to trivia today. Enjoy. (PS. By the way, the last trivia came with it and I just left it on.)

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell . .. . Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day... Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England
is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell ! Or was considered a dead ringer...

And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !

PS: In a time where so much is being made about our first black president, Ann Coulter made the following observation in her column of 2/25/2009:

“But as long as the nation is obsessed with historic milestones, is no one going to remark on what a great country it is where a mentally retarded woman can become speaker of the house?”

(I'll probably hear about that one....)

So .. . . Get out there and educate someone! ~~~ Share these facts with a friend like I just did! ! ! ………. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who was noted for a lot of body hair? Esau (Gen. 25:25)

This week’s question: How many books in the Bible start with the letter G?

Sunday, October 11, 2009

October 12, 2009

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." (Colossians 3:23)

The days are indistinguishable; the hours drag by. Work is the captor from which we flee on Friday afternoons - only to be dragged back on Monday mornings. Motivation lies outside of us. Our need for money, our dread of the boss, our fear of failure. Where do we find the inner drive to work "for the Lord, not for men?" We work for the harvest. What harvest are you dreaming about? Exhibiting your faith in God by means of a strong work ethic? Making significant contributions to the department? Retirement without regrets? Christian men and women labor with an eye toward a heavenly future. We continually ask, in the words of Steve Greens' anthem, "Will all who come behind us find us faithful?" Approach Monday morning with as much enthusiasm as you would if it were Friday afternoon.

Thought for the week: When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Funny for the week: The Porch

A blonde teenage girl, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said. 'How much will you charge me?'

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes
ALL
the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes.

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.

'Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'

It must be true, blonds have more fun…… Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How many of God’s servants are protectively sealed in Revelation 7? 144,000 (Rev. 7:4)

This week’s question: Who was noted for a lot of body hair?

Monday, October 5, 2009

October 5, 2009

“Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness (desert) to be tempted by the devil.” Matthew 4:1

Ever wonder why Jesus was led into the desert instead of, say the city, or the beach, or the cool mountain retreat? Why not a month at the spa or a fancy five star resort? The Bible gives us a little hint later when it says he was tempted in all ways like we are, yet without sinning. Ken Gire in his book “Intense Moments with the Savior” explained it this way. “The desert is where we face the strongest and most seductive temptations in life. It is where the enemy is most formidable and where we are most vulnerable.” (p.37) Satan is a creep who never fights fair. He will hit us the hardest when we are most vulnerable and weakest. Jesus placed himself in the same position many of us face when temptation comes. Weak, tired and discouraged. Satan pounced on him and tried his best to make him sin, but he didn’t. What he did do though was place Jesus in a place where he could say, “I have been there my child, and I will be with you through this horrible temptation, and even provide you a way through if you will just have faith in me.” If you are in a desert today, know that Satan will throw the best temptation he has at you, but Jesus has already been there and if you call on him, he will see you through.

Thought for the week: When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. -- Thomas Szasz, "The Second Sin"

Funny for the week: Big Litter
"For sale: Eight puppies from a German shepherd and an Alaskan hussy."
-- Richard A. Harms

One more: Ridiculous Town Name
Two American tourists are driving through
Wales. They decide to stop for a bite to eat in the
village ofLlanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogo-
gogoch
.

Baffled by the name, one of them turns to a local and asks, "Would you please say where we are—very slowly?"

The Welshman leans over and says, very slowly, "Burrr-gerrr Kinngg."

Oldie but goodie……….. Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Whose clothes did not wear out for 40 years? Those worn by the Israelites during their desert wanderings (Deut. 8:2-4) note: maybe it was because they did not wash them. Think so?

This week’s question: How many of God’s servants are protectively sealed in Revelation 7?