April 4, 2011

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain, move from here to there, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you" Matthew 17:20

One of the things we dread in law enforcement is in service training. The thing we dread about in service training is the tests. We all play a game of trying to guess ahead of time what the instructor is going to ask on the test. Could it be that we do the same thing when we pray? I fear we often are guilty of trying to hedge our prayers with disclaimers. Ever prayed and then said, "It must not be God's will....I guess the time is not right...Maybe God doesn’t hear my prayers?" Listen, God never told us to try and decide what His will and timing is. God told us to pray with faith, expectantly, enthusiastically eager for our Father's answer. Start today by asking God to make you a man or woman of faith and mix your faithful praying with anticipating faith. Stop trying to guess what He is doing and really believe God has the power to answer your prayer. You'll be delighted with this potent combination of answer and timing.

Thought for the week: Today on the way to work, I thought I saw a headline that read "Beer Recall." It actually read "Beef Recall." The story explained the discovery of mad cow disease in the United States. Mad cow disease is a condition that causes wasting away of the brain, leading to dementia, loss of coordination, and death. Now, will somebody please explain to me why they're not recalling beer?
Funny for the week: "Australia Q & A"
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website: the answers were also there!
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?(UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come dressed in medieval costume.
8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come dressed in medieval costume.
11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia?
A: No, WE don't stink.
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
14. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
15. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
16. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
17. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by dressing in medieval costume before you go out walking.
18. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
19. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Aye Mate………….Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: On which of the 6 days of creation did God create the sun, moon and stars? Fourth (Gen. 1:14-19)
This weeks question: How many years had a woman been bleeding that was healed by touching the hem of Jesus garment?