Feburary 11, 2008

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under Gods mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." 1 Peter 5:6

Don't you just love Jacob? He always did things the hard way. He struggled against what God wanted him to do, always dodging responsibility, manipulating others. Then there was that one night when his disobedience came to a dramatic end. He challenged God to a wrestling match. From that night on he walked with a limp. A reminder of his stubbornness. Are you struggling against what God wants you to do, rationalizing, excusing, postponing. It is so much easier to obey gladly than to be stubborn and resist. Higher blessings always await spiritual obedience. Don't be stubborn like Jacob and walk through life with a spiritual limp. Humble yourself before God and HE will lift you up!

Thought for the week: A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. -- Daniel Webster

Funny for the week:

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, age 6

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

"Both don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." Lynnette, age 8

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?

"When they're rich." Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

"It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." Anita, age 9

"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." Kirsten, age 10

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8

"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." Roberta, age 7

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

"If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes, especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it." Lori, age 8

"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." Ricky, age 10

What more can I say…………………….Chaplain Barnes age 54

Last week’s answer: What does Jesus say a man would not give his son when he asks for a loaf of bread? A stone (Matt 7:9)

This week’s question: What was the reason for Moses’ second trip to Mt. Sinai?

February 4, 2008

"Brethren, do not be weary in well-doing." II Thessalonians 3:13

We have an unspoken attitude in American culture that says, "Finish first or you don't count." Did you know God never expects you to be the best? He expects you to give your best. When God gives you an opportunity or ability and you strive to do your very best, your "ranking" is irrelevant. I had the privilege of working with Dr. Thad Dowdle for several years. I will never forget in a conservation we had once, his frank and candid statement: "I never compare myself to anyone else." He is so right! We should not wear ourselves out trying to be better than others. Instead, we should strive for personal excellence. Do your best to fulfill the mandate God has given you for today and when you lay down to sleep tonight, smile and pray, "Father, I did my best."

Thought for the week: It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power. -- David Brin

Funny for the week: "Reindeer Problem"
(This is an absolutely awful pun - included here only because I know some of you sick pun lovers need your fix of torturing co-workers with it all day.)

As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer to be very quiet when they deliver presents on Christmas Eve so no one will know they are there. One Christmas Eve as Santa Claus landed on a rooftop, he suddenly heard a very loud "Snort sniff honk honk snort!" coming from one of his reindeer.

Since he was in the sleigh behind them, he didn't know which one it was. It happened again, only louder this time: "Snort sniff honk honk snort!"

Dogs in the neighborhood began to bark. "Shhh!" Santa hissed. "Please be quiet!"

He went to work lifting the sack of toys out of the sleigh when he heard it again, only a lot louder this time. "SNORT SNIFF HONK HONK SNORT!" Lights came on all over the neighborhood and some people even stuck their heads out of their windows.

Santa was horrified. Jumping back into the sleigh, he drove quickly back to the North Pole. He lined up all the reindeer and announced, "We are not going to deliver another present until the reindeer who is making funny noises with his nose steps forward and apologizes!"

None of the reindeer stepped forward.

Santa held up a piece of paper. "I know who it is, and I have written your name on this paper. But I want to give you a chance to do the right thing on your own."

Still none of the reindeer came forward. So Santa did the only thing he could do - read off the rude-nosed reindeer!

I dare you to tell it to your boss………………..Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: How long did Jacob work for Laban to receive the hand of Rachel? 14 years (Gen 29:20-27)

This week’s question: What does Jesus say a man would not give his son when he asks for a loaf of bread?

January 28, 2008

No. 461

FROM CHAPLAIN BARNES On-the-Job Inspiration, Humor Challenge and Encouragement. You are invited to copy and share these notes with others so long as it is not for profit.

"The apostles said to the Lord, 'Increase our faith.' The Lord replied, 'If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, be uprooted and planted in the sea, and it would obey you.'" Luke 17:5-6

This devotion if for me today. You are welcome to look over my shoulder if you wish, but if it doesn't apply to you, allow me preach to myself today. Thank you.

Sometimes when I pray, Lord, I catch myself giving up before I even finish the prayer. I pray, but on the inside I am doubting that the prayer will be answered. At least not as I have asked it. I can pray with total confidence about everyday stuff you know, "Watch over the kids, thank you for the food," and so on, but when an extraordinary need comes, the doubts churn inside. I am so glad in the above verse you teach me that Jesus was patient with his disciples when their faith was small. He understood their spiritual struggles, and He understands mine. I guess the issue is not whether I have a lot of faith. The issue is whether I use the faith I have. According to the above verse, the size of my faith takes backseat to the use of my faith. My cry then becomes like the one the father in Mark 9 stated so well. "I do believe, help me not to doubt!"

Thought for the week: A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. -- Burt Bacharach

Funnies for the week: Dedicated to my Pastor, Mike...(My notes in parentheses)

"Top Ten Signs You're in for a Long Sermon."

10. There's a case of bottled water beside the pulpit in a cooler. (Looked under ours lately?)

9. The pews have camper hookups. (We removed them when we got carpet remember?)

8. You overhear the pastor telling the sound man to have a few (dozen!) extra tapes on hand to record today's sermon. (We have a whole case back there!)

7. The preacher has brought a snack to the pulpit.(No, but our boys do)

6. The preacher breaks for an intermission. (When we go over 2 hours, we'll need one)

5. The bulletins have pizza delivery menus. (Good Idea!)

4. When the preacher asks the deacon to bring in his notes, he rolls in a filing cabinet. (Your notebook is pretty full lately)

3. The choir loft is furnished with La-Z-Boys. (We did pad the pews remember!)

2. Instead of taking off his watch and laying it on the pulpit, the preacher turns up a four-foot hour-glass. (When did you ever look at a watch anyway?)

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE IN FOR A LONG SUNDAY SERMON

1. The minister says, "You'll be out in time to watch the super bowl" but it's only November! (I rest my case!)

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall , blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report.

She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"

I just had to didn’t I………..Chaplain Barnes

Last week’s answer: Who was the mother of Jacob and Esau? Rebecca (Gen 25:19-26)

This week’s question: How long did Jacob work for Laban to receive the hand of Rachel?